It’s day four of my long national nightmare. There are no signs of relief. My head hurts more with each passing day. I sneeze–repeatedly. Overnight, I’ve developed a hacking cough. My eyes feel like they will pop out of my head.
A few years ago, when I went to a doctor telling her this cold or sinus infection was kicking my ass, she said, “Silly little man. You have allergies.”
“I never had them before,” I said.
“You do now,” she said.
So who do I blame? Old age or New York? Obviously, blaming either of those would be silly because a) I can’t go back and time and b) I’m sure as hell not moving anywhere else.
So that leaves me with one solution. And that isn’t medication. I haven’t found any that works yet. They all make me feel like I have allergy symptoms AND I’ve taken some lame-ass drug.
So, only thing to do is kill every bit of vegetation in New York. The flowers won’t be hard. But the trees? Hmmmm. Well, if you see a guy on the nightly news arrested for running around New York with a chain saw, you can tell all your friends you know me.