About That Sophisticated New York Electorate

After eight years of whining and bitching that George W. Bush is “using fear” to manipulate the masses, New Yorkers scared shitless about their real estate prices and stock portfolios are told by Michael “Hugo Chavez” Bloomberg that if they don’t do away with term limits (“Just this one time. Promise.”), they’ll face even MORE finanical ruin. Scared, they happily grant him his wish.

And now, after an election cycle of crapping all over the mush-mouthed and anti-intellectual Sarah Palin for being too inexperienced (and unable to speak a coherent sentence to the media), will gladly allow Caroline “Um, You Know” Kennedy to become their U.S. Senator.  I don’t like the knuckle-headed strain of the Republican party Sarah Palin came to represent, but she was elected to two offices and took on the established corrupt political dynasty in Alaska. Caroline Kennedy, on the other hand, hasn’t even run for PTA and IS the latest generation of an established corrupt political dynasty. But, hey, god forbid we embarrass her or anything.

Next time a New Yorker starts blabbing about the rubes out in the sticks, it might be fun to remind them that they’re the ones living in a banana republic.

Have You No Sense of Shame Mr. Congressman?

I think we all know the answer to that question. While you build toys for your kids out pine cones and paper clips; while two out of the five people you know are now applying for positions as Walmart greeters because they’ve lost their jobs (and with an eye toward the sweet release of death by trampling); while taxpayer dollars are being doled out to Wall Street firms and union-ruined auto companies, Congress gave itself a pay raise. Guess with that average salary of $160,000-plus it’s just hard to make ends meet.

Kanye West Needs His Mama

Many times you’ll see newly rich folk, athletes and celebrities hanging around with the people they came up with. Some times, this crew is a scraggly-ass, disreputable lot who put you in mind of those embarrassing cousins who have three cars up on blocks in the front yard and storm into political discussions after a 12-pack of Natural Light to set everyone straight on foreign policy (“Kill ’em all and let God do the sorting.”) Many times we wonder, “Why?”

Why? Because such people keep your head on straight, remind you of where you come from and, even though they’ll constantly “borrow” money from a well-off relative, they’ll also tell that relative if he’s got a booger on his face or if he looks like a jackass in those skinny jeans.

Kanye West apparently has no such people in his life anymore.

Continue reading “Kanye West Needs His Mama”

Izzy Stevens should be shot

I’m not embarrassed to admit that I started watching Grey’s Anatomy when it first came out. After all, I was a huge fan of “Party of Five” and “The O.C.” (first season). I am embarrassed to admit that I haven’t stopped watching Grey’s. I can take comfort in partially blaming it on my wife, who insists on me watching along with her, even if it looks more and more like my outrage will mean the death of her Macbook. This week’s episode jumped about sixteen sharks.

It’s bad enough I have to watch the ultra cute Lexipedia debase herself with an outrageous plot line. But Izzy Stevens just has to go. At some point she passed Meredith Grey as the most annoying character on the show. Now, she’s just a constant nuisance, a whiny, petulant insane shrew. They should have performed a botched appendectomy on her … and left it botched.

Let this be a lesson to actors. You talk shit about the writers in public and you’ll find the high point of your character arc is ghost sex with a guy written out of the show two seasons ago.

Me to Second-Lifers: Drop dead

Hey, remember when we were given the list of Top Ten Reasons Brands Don’t Get Second Life? I sure do. I tried to explain that “not wanting it” and “not getting it” are two entirely different things. And the typical Web 3.5 (or whatever) boosters rushed into the breach to tell me how wrong I was. Even as the actual numbers were already slipping, they were telling me (in comments on this post) that “in 5 years, Gartner predicts 80% of people will have a Second Life of some sort.” How’d that work out for ya?

Wrap the MTA

For those living in New York, it should come as no surprise that just a year or so after declaring it had a surplus, the MTA is declaring a shortfall so severe that it will have to cut entire subway and bus lines while raising fares. This only confirms my suspicion that the Metropolitan Transit Authority allows a room full of monkeys pounding on random-number generators to determine the yearly budget.

No worries. I’ve got a solution.