Another Consumer Complaint

To the staff and customers of Brooklyn home improvement stores:

This note is simply to point out that when two men walk into a Home Depot or Lowe’s to buy a very manly offset smoker, just because one guy is wearing a sensible argyle sweater, dark jeans and loafers does not mean that they are a couple and are looking to have their kitchen remodeled. (Especially if they don’t even OWN!)

And to the guy at the self-checkout kiosk at Lowe’s, if two such people WERE a couple, why were you complimenting only one of the party on his shirt, you homewrecker?

Best,
A concerned citizen