Blog Posts

Rocky Mountain Brisket

The last time I barbecued a brisket in New York, I spent $100 or more for what was once considered an inexpensive hunk of meat. Last week, I spent $30 on a brisket at Walmart. It turned out to be one of the best I’ve barbecued to date.

This was to be my first barbecue in Colorado, the first time I had people over, and it was all for the LSU-Alabama game. The game went about as I expected. Thankfully, the meat — brisket, ribs, and chicken — did too, despite a lot of worrying about barbecuing at altitude with variable weather conditions.

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What a gourd-geous evening in Denver

I guess I’m on a Halloween theme this week. Someone should alert Collin Nissan because this post is all about Glow at the Gardens, an even highlighting pumpkin carving and more at the Denver Botanic Gardens. After all, we know what season it really is.

Anyway. A few photos from the evening.

Haunted Tiny House: A ghost story

TinyHouse
Source: HGTV

Note: My smart-ass comment about tiny houses in yesterday’s post prompted a great comment from my stepsister, which in turn led me to write this. Not quite what she was asking for, but I like it.

HAUNTED TINY HOUSE

EXTERIOR – NIGHT: A dark, cloudy moonless night. The wind whips through the trees surrounding a clearing. In the clearing sits what looks like a child’s playhouse.

INTERIOR – NIGHT: We’re inside of a tiny house, 8 x 10 if that. We enter through the door and into a kitchen/living area, with a tiny fridge and a tiny stove and a tiny table. The camera tracks left and up a tiny ladder to a tiny loft where a white hipster couple — CLEMENTINE and DJANGO — sleep.  Clementine has dark black hair cut into a bob. Django has red shaggy hair and a giant beard. Both have multiple piercings and tattoos.

A LOUD BANG IS HEARD — awakening the CLEMENTINE, who sits up too fast and bangs her head into the ceiling.

CLEMENTINE (whispering to herself):
Ow. Shit.

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A very spooky story

hillhouse
Credit: Netflix

Cara and I have been watching “The Haunting of Hill House.” It’s not for the faint of the heart. In fact, if anyone says he isn’t afraid of the movie, that person is already dead inside and should be reported to either the Ghostbusters or Van Helsing.

The point is, it’s a creepy show and within one episode you’ll be checking under your bed, wishing you didn’t have a basement, and contemplating a move into a newly built tiny house where you can be 100% sure that no one has ever died and where ghosts couldn’t fit (and, besides, ghosts wouldn’t be caught dead in a tiny house because tiny houses are just a hideous expression of hipster privilege and virtue signaling and if you wanted to actually save money and downsize you could have just bought a trailer).

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A Weird State: Colorado

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Friday morning. About three weeks after moving to Colorado. I’d accumulated a bill and a pay stub and the other forms of identification I needed to get a Colorado driver’s license. So I woke up bright and early with the intent of getting to the DMV in Boulder the minute it opened at 7 a.m.

But alas, life happens. I got a little bit of a late start. I let the dogs hang out in the yard a little longer than I’d planned — I’m a sucker for what the dogs want. I didn’t get to the DMV until 7:30.

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Drama at the Laundromat! 

Showed up to pick up my laundry this morning at 7:50. The laundromat opens at 7:30. Guess what.

It was closed.

“He ain’t here yet, bro” said a bro from across the street. “I even called him. Said he’d be here in five minutes. That was 10 minutes ago.”

Not a minute later, our friendly laundromat guy shows up, opens doors, grabs MadBro’s shirts and hands them over.

MadBro’s bill was $12 but he threw 5 down on the counter and said “That’s all you fucking getting from me cuz I been waiting outside 20 minutes.” Then he grabbed his shit and left.

Laundromat Guy didn’t even realize what had happened until MadBro was out the door. “That guy only gave me five dollars. He owed me twelve. Makes no sense!”

And I, your always cool, calm and collected narrator (cough) said, “I guess some people are just mad all the time.”

(I paid my bill in full and tipped the amount appropriate for people who wash my nasty clothes and then fold it all nice and neat.) 

THE END

How Facebook works: Taco edition

Post: “Where can I get the best taco in Mexico City?”
 
Comment 1: “I like the chalupa at Taco Bell.”
Comment 2: “I’ve never been to Mexico City, but I heard it’s really awesome.”
Comment 3: “The taco was actually invented in 1495 by a Korean.”
Comment 4: “The best taco in Los Angeles is at that one truck.”
Comment 5: “No. The best taco in L.A. is at the other truck.”
Comment 6. “Everyone knows the best taco in L.A. is in the backroom of that taco speak-easy that I’ve never actually been to, but I heard is awesome.”
Comment 7: “Lemme know when you get there, so we can build that wall. LOLOLOLOL.”
Comment 8. “When we were in Cozumel on the cruise we had tacos at this one hotel. I can’t remember it’s name, but they were pretty good. Even if they only had soft shells.”
Comment 9. “Taco BELLLLLLLLLLL.”
Comment 10. “Where are you going in Mexico?”
(Note: I’m not actually looking for tacos or going to Mexico City. But I also know how Facebook works, so someone’s going to ask me when I’m going to Mexico?)