Should Someone Just Buy Detroit?

According to this highly suspect figure in a Tribune piece, the average price of a home sold in Detroit last December was $7,500. That’s right $7,500, not $75,000.

Which got me to thinking. Why not just buy the whole damn city? Sure, I’d have to put up with the Grade A idiot class of politicians that wander the increasingly vacant streets of Detroit, but once I own the city, I’d could BE one of those Grade A idiots. (Okay, maybe I’d have to get indicted for something, first.)

I kid, I kid. I couldn’t afford the whole city. But here’s the thing. Assuming those prices were realistic and assuming the wife and I are planning to spend $500,000 or so on a 2-bedroom in Brooklyn (likely to be under 1,000 square feet), we could buy 66.6 houses in Detroit. And that’s not factoring in the ridiculous maintenance fees, property taxes and co-op board retards we’d have to deal with in Brooklyn. I’ve been looking for outdoor space. Hell, I could have 66 backyards. I could start my own company and, instead of renting or buying office space, I just move everyone there and give them a house! Or, assuming permission from my wife, I could go Mormon. Get me 65 more wives.

Ladies and gentleman, Welcome to Wheatonia. The official food is barbecue, the official drink bourbon. Enjoy it.

5 thoughts on “Should Someone Just Buy Detroit?

  1. The official food is barbecue, the official drink bourbon.
    I would happily live there.

  2. Nice concept.

    Points out the problem with human psychology: we all want to invest at the wrong time (at the height of a market) and then fear to invest at the right time (when you can snap up homes for $7,500 each). Theoretically I’m with you, but emotionally the Dow has me scared s-less and I’m stuffing what money I have left under the mattress.

    I’m only human.

  3. Did you see the Times magazine this weekend? Which s-hole would you prefer? Detroit or Cleveland? Maybe the two cities will come up with a buy one/get one free deal! At least Detroit has some really good Greek food, or at least it used to…

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