Yo, it’s Frodo over here and I’ve got a ring that needs getting rid of. But the MTA has canceled subway service to Mount Doom and I’m sure as hell not walking over there. I thought about giving it to Gollum, but he hasn’t been the same since he took a job writing tax code for the Federal government. (He was seen on a street corner, rubbing his hands and saying “Mine! Mine! Mine! over and over again and they had to have him.)
But seriously, as the separation slowly marches toward divorce, I’ve finally gotten my grubby mitts back on the engagement ring.
A few people seemed shocked that I’d get it back. “You asked for it back?” they’d say in shocked whisper, as if I just walked into the office during a meeting and pooped on the floor.
“It’s a gift,” this person said. “That you gave to her.”
I thought about that for a second. An engagement ring isn’t a gift. It’s a contract. If, upon, getting down on one knee and proposing, the woman says no, she doesn’t get the ring, right? Right. In fact, an engagement ring is a big honking token of conditional love. You’re getting this because I love you and because I think you love me enough to marry me. She no longer loved me enough to stay married to me. Contract is over. (Had I been acting in bad faith in the marriage, this could go the other way, but I always find it amusing how some women’s idea of fair-play changes dramatically when jewelry is involved.)
But fact was, I didn’t want the ring. Basically, I’d wanted to avoid dealing with it. I’d keep the entire joint savings account, she’d keep the ring. Would have been a fair trade. But she wanted the cash — not that I can blame her. Because what was she going to do with the ring? Wear it as a reminder of failure? Have that diamond staring at her with an accusatory look in its shiny eye?
Of course now that I do have it back I’ve got figure out what to do with it. One complicating factor is that I just like the ring a lot. It doesn’t look like your run-of-the-mill engagement ring. It looks almost like an antique. It was made by an artist named Jessica Fields and bought at Clay Pot in Park Slope. We’d seen one of her bubble rings topped with a heart-shaped sapphire or ruby or something and wondered allowed if that could be done with a diamond in an emerald setting. It could. So I did. I think it was the first one she’d done at that point.
And now I see one like it on her website. It’s a better photo than mine above, but you’ll notice the diamond is smaller. (The folks at Clay Pot had cautioned against going up to 1 carat as the ring is so small and delicate. I think our version came out ok):
Still it’s a fairly uncommon piece. And there’s pretty much no way I’ll get back the money I paid for it (which I just figured out was more than my first two vehicles combined). So why not keep it, give it to a future daughter, a cousin, someone?
Why? Because it’s been called an engagement ring! And thus it ever shall be as long as it circles around in my orbit. And not just an engagement ring, an engagement ring from a failed marriage. Which carries all sorts of bad juju.
I suppose I could lie. “Uncle Kenny, where did that ring come from?”
“Pirating, matey. Arrrrrgggggghhh, yer Uncle Kenny is a pirate. Now fetch me some grog.”
So, I’ll probably sell it. Hey, it’s new to you, right? So if you haven an anniversary or a lady friend you’re trying to impress and a big sack of cash, you know where to find me. Details: Handcrafted custom-made 18K yellow gold with full-cut round diamonds in bubbles and emerald-cut center diamond. Weight of side diamonds=.32 cts. Center diamond: .96 ct emerald-cut of Canadian origin. Graded GVS1. With accompanying GIA certificate. Size 4. So tiny fingers only.
Or maybe I’ll use it as a toe ring. I’ve always wanted one of those.
KEN WHEATON 
I don’t remember the name of the site, as it’s pre-9am and pre-coffee over here, but there’s a site to sell your ex’s jewelry (or jewelry you gave your ex, I guess). Ah hell, I’ll google it for you Wheaton: http://www.exboyfriendjewelry.com
As for taking the ring back, I thought it was a promise to marry, not to stay married (though that would be an added bonus). But I understand your urge to get it back and hers to return it.
As the woman still with the ring, I am just as miserable as you. And I begged to give it back but a) he insisted, alot. and b) it would have required sending it overseas, getting it insured, filling out a gazillion amounts of paperwork, and somehow still not make it to Mexico(just a hunch). ..
So I thought, I will sell it! And since then, forgot about it till just now… just one year later(thanks for the reminder!).
And seriously women: Why? Why would you want to hold on to it? Aside from being lazy like me? Someone told me, “Gurrl, make a necklace out of it.” Um, no. I dont want anything to do with it. Its beautiful- gorgeous, yes. But its a symbol of a failed promise…I would hate the reminder in any form.
And I too did toil with a let me give it to my daughter when she grows up- but then realized, im not Ursula the Sea Witch.
Long story short, my colleague’s family is in the jewelry business and so is the extended family apparently. She said, her Dad woulod appraise it and then her cousin (seriously the whole family is in the business) sells it off for me and gets a 20% cut- Sold! (on the idea; still need to actually follow these steps).
Good riddance either way. It really does become quite the chore. Ugh.
Oh Ken. It’s such a lovely and unique ring.
I’ll put the word out through by bro just in case.
I have a completely unsourced, unread, gut-intuition that in older times, the engagement ring might also have been insurance that the woman would not go hungry in the short term if the man later left her. That could be BS. Just an idea I had. In these modern times, I think whatever the parties agree to works, and you don’t need any grief from anybody who wants to blame you for taking it back.
Especially, hello, if she didn’t want to keep it. Kind of a Duh moment there for the would-be “but it was a gift”-ers.
I thought I read somewhere you have a son, but I may have dreamed that. You can always keep it for him to give to his sweetie, although you may not like the mojo associated with that.
Selling it makes perfect sense with your “dead to me” mode of ending relationships.
My much-too-involved $.04. I am sorry this stuff sucks so much.
For the record, this isn’t a pity party post. I don’t do those. Those things should be relegated to livejournal and open mic nights.
Just trying to sell the ring, make observations … and steal a friend’s killer Frodo Baggins joke.
Like the previous poster, I too “thought it was a promise to marry, not to stay married”. Nonetheless, you could “gift” it to your adoring sister-in-law who has the job of being married to your only true brother (and what a very hard job that is). I’ve heard that she only has a band (sans diamond). 🙂
Paaaaaahahahah @ WWW
Thank you for your awsome post. I will keep an eye on your own blog, i allready saved it to own list 🙂
do you still have the ring? I love it!
If you still for some unknown still have the used engagement ring, I can highly recommend Have You Seen the Ring. I sold a used diamond through them a few weeks ago.
Check them out if interested.
http://www.haveyouseenthering.com
This is my first time pay a quick visit at here and
i am in fact pleassant to read all at single place.