Eddie Murphy: Poet

A twitter conversation prompted a fond memory of Eddie Murphy’s “Boogie In Your Butt.” If you don’t remember the tune, let me refresh your memory.

Say, put a tree in your butt
Put a, a bumblebee in your butt
Put a clock in your butt
Put a big rock in your butt
Say, put some fleas in your butt
Say, start to sneeze in your butt
Say, put a tin can in your butt
Put a little tiny man in your butt
Say, put a light in your butt
Say, make it bright in your butt
Say, put a TV in your butt
Say, put me in your butt
Everybody say

Full lyrics here.

Why Your Kids Are Dumb

A school in Brooklyn has decided to start teaching handwriting again. Seems that New York City schools in their ongoing quest for excellence had quit teaching handwriting.

“No time,” they said. I’m sorry. Are there somehow less hours in the day than there used to be? How did our teachers, back in the day, manage to find the minutes in the day to teach us to write our own alphabet.
Continue reading “Why Your Kids Are Dumb”

Squirrel Head Potpie

When a recipe starts by telling you to boil ten squirrel heads, you know you’re onto something good! I found this little gem in “Louisiana Cultural Vistas,” one of those fancy magazines they put in upscale hotel rooms in New Orleans. It’s actually an excellent damn mag judging by this particular issue. And the potpie recipe was tucked in an article about Mary Land, author of Louisiana Cookery and a woman light years ahead of her time — conservationist, serial marrier, hunter, fisher, cook.

Anyway, the recipe card reads:

Boil ten squirrel heads until tender in just enough water to cover. Make pie crust and line casserole. Place a layer of heads and some juice. Dot with butter and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Make another layer of heads, juice and more pie crust strips. Cook in oven for one-half hour. (Serves six).

I sure as hell hope the recipe assumes you’ll take the meat off the skulls before putting it in the crust. Otherwise, that would be one huge (and crunchy) potpie.

Obama Should Decline the Peace Prize

The Nobel peace committee is a long-standing politicized joke. Witness the award to Jimmy Carter, whose sucking up to dictators while in office and complete bungling of the Iran hostage crisis likely set the entire tone for the relationship between the U.S. and tinpots and terrorist groups for the next 30 years.

Building houses for the poor and writing volumes of poetry does not make up for that.
Continue reading “Obama Should Decline the Peace Prize”

That’s One Way to Boost School Spirit

Guaranteed to get a rise out of the crowd.
Guaranteed to get a rise out of the crowd.
“Inflate school spirit to new proportions!” You don’t say!? Hey, I don’t make this stuff up. I didn’t create the photo. I didn’t write the copy. Just pointing it out. I haven’t seen something so disgusting and hilarious since Woody the Pencilman. (Not surprisingly, both links were sent along by the same sick person, a lady teacher in our public-school system!)

Never Expect Integrity from Writers

Writers, painters, actors and other “artists” get entirely too much slack for bad behavior. Ezra Pound is forgiven for being a Nazi sympathizer. Frida Kahlo was a devout Stalinist. And all sorts of current idiots who’ve apparently never picked up a biography get a hard-on for Mao or Che Guevara.

But at the end of the day, those are little more than crimes of the brain — muddle-headed thinking resulting from fashionable trends, contrarian politics, rebellious posturing, lack of moral compass and, sometimes, actual mental illness. People are allowed to think what they want, even when it’s wrong. Hell, I even hear wild stories about actors who find work despite NOT having voted for Obama.

Roman Polanski, on the other hand, drugged a 13-year-old girl and raped her. He gave her booze, fed her drugs and, despite her crying and saying no over and over, he raped her vaginally as well as anally. Continue reading “Never Expect Integrity from Writers”