The Perfect Boiled Egg (in an Instant Pot)

InstantPot

A quick note: If you came here via search, you don’t need four thousand words about how and why I came to own an Instant Pot and how amazing it is (it’s amazing). You also don’t need three thousand words on the history or science behind boiling eggs.

No.

You a) have an Instant Pot and b) are sick as hell of boiled eggs that are undercooked, overcooked or — worst of all — shredding to pieces when you peel them. You’ve tried every “hack” there is in a regular pot. Screw that. Try this once and you’ll never “boil” eggs any other way ever again (well, until the power grid is destroyed).

How to boil eggs in your Instant Pot:

  • Get your Instant Pot
  • Get some eggs
  • Get a vegetable¬†steamer insert or the trivet that came with the Instant Pot
  • Get a cup or cup and a half of water
  • Put the water in the pot
  • Put the steamer insert or trivet in the pot
  • Put as many eggs as you want in the pot
  • Put the lid on the pot
  • Set the pot to Manual for 5 Minutes (if you have an older one that allows you to set the pressure, set it to high)
  • Let it do its thing. You go do something else with your time. Wash the dishes or something
  • When it’s done, use a quick release
  • Put the eggs in an ice bath to stop cooking
  • ENJOY YOUR EASY-TO-PEEL EGGS

There you go. Was that so hard?

 

Dear White, Egg-Laying Angry Bird

You SHOULD look embarrassedYou worthless piece of shit, you. You have one job to do: to lay an explosive egg when I tap on the screen. That’s it. One job. And, lately, you have been failing at that far too often for my tastes. Indeed, if you were an egg-laying hen–if I owned egg-laying hens–I would have killed you and thrown you in a gumbo long ago based on your unreliable production.

Does this happen with Yellow Bird, or Black Bomb Bird or Blue Glass-Bashing Bird(s)? No. Never. Even your more-useless brethren, the Boomerang Toucan, performs every time I tap the screen that second time.

So what, exactly, is your deal? Do you not feel like laying? Perhaps your egg is fertilized and you don’t want to lose your child? Tough titties! You’re on a suicide mission to begin with, so don’t give me any lip. Hell, it’s not like your precious explosive egg is all that useful. It doesn’t do much but make noise. Your spent, eggless body, on the other hand, makes for an effective brick-and-wood bashing projectile.

BUT I CAN’T GET THAT UNLESS YOU LAY THE DAMN EGG WHEN I TAP THE SCREEN.

You’re attention to this matter would be greatly appreciated.

Respectfully,

Ken Wheaton

p.s. Please excuse the coarse language, but the game does awaken a passion inside of me not seen since the original Pitfall Harry.