The Royal Baby Is Here!

Are you a U.S. citizen? Does the phrase “Royal Baby” send shivers of excitement down our spine? What is wrong with you?

Proposal:

All Americans who show excessive interest in the birth of a royal baby shall be tarred, feathered and marched to the town commons and placed in the stocks. There they will be pelted with apple pie and hot-dogs while a down-on-her-luck pop diva mangles the Star Spangled Banner for three hours straight.