Adele’s “Restraining Order No. 9”

I love me some Adele. Great voice, great songs. But can we talk about “Someone Like You,” or as I like to call it, “The Stalker Song.” It’s catchy, it’s haunting, it’s got the following lyrics:

“I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited
But I couldn’t stay away, I couldn’t fight it
I had hoped that you would see my face and that you’d be reminded
That for me, it isn’t over”

Now, even if I were single and this was simply an ex-girlfriend showing up on my doorstep, I’d be tempted to call the damn police. But in the context of the song, the dude is married. MARRIED.

Man or woman, imagine that you’re at home and your ex showed up at your door uninvited and said, “Hey, I just couldn’t help it. I had this really fucked up, crazy urge to show up and remind you that, in my mind, we’re still the perfect couple.” I bet you can imagine how your spouse would react — or how you would react if you were the spouse.

Blah, blah, blah. Love. Heart-ache. Yadda, yadda, yadda. I get it. Pain lingers. And, especially when you’re the one who’s been dumped and haven’t found your own someone yet, you can remember that last relationship all through a hazy nostalgia in which everything seemed perfect (though it wasn’t). And even years later, you can be struck by an uncontrollable urge to go seek this person out at home, in a bar, on Facebook and say something like, “I STILL LOVE YOU” or “WE WERE MEANT TO BE.”

But you know what? You are not five years old. You are a grown-ass person and you should be able to control your urges. Especially ones as stupid as these. If you can’t do it for your own dignity, do it for this person who you supposedly love and who, trust me, will not give you a second chance and does not need your crazy ass showing up on the doorstep uninvited.

(Last week, I drove over 1,000 miles while in Louisiana, most of it listening to pop radio, so I may have some more over-thinking on the six songs I heard over and over and over again.)