The Champion Loses His Title

Due to rigorous training and healthy eating, I’ve been the reigning champion in these parts of Wii Sports Boxing. I’d beat comers of all ages: including 13-year-old punks who could school me in any other game on any other console; and some of New York City’s best trade journalists — and their spouses.

And then, this weekend, in a crushing defeat, I was knocked out in the first round by my wife, whose style could best be described as “flailing wildly.” It was only her second time in the ring. But I just couldn’t figure out a way to defend myself from her devastating body blows. I’m a jab and cross guy. Protect your face while breaking open the other guy’s noggin. In truth, I’ve never even figured out to throw body punches on the damn game. It was my weakness.

In real life it may have looked like she was juggling, but on the screen she was dealing devastation to my internal organs. And down I went.

Even worse? She had no interest in a rematch.