If you’re reading this blog, you’ve undoubtedly developed a fascination with the way I live my life. You sometimes probably find yourself thinking, “WWKD?” or “What’s Ken doing now?” And sometimes, you probably guess exactly wrong. But that’s my fault, because I don’t provide enough guidance.
For example, you may think I start my day with a thick mix of political news, heavy reading and a lot of opinion just to get the engine started. You’d be wrong. Exactly wrong.
1. On a typical week day, I roll out of bed around 8:30. I turn on New York 1 so I can check the temperature and, hopefully, catch some insanity going on between Pat Keirnan and Roger Clark. If Bloomberg is on the TV — or one of these morons advocating for Caroline Kennedy — then yes, I will yell at the TV.
2. I sit myself down at a computer and check my gmail account.
3. Then I check Google Reader. At this point, I don’t actually read any of the blogs, RSS feeds I’ve subscribed to. I only check it for real estate listings, hoping to find that a “retardedly” overpriced Brooklyn apartment has come down to simply “stupidly” overpriced. (For those of you in the non New York vicinity, we’re at the point where $500K for an 800 square foot two bedroom is a GOOD deal). We’re still renting, so you know how that’s working out.
4. I check out LOLCats at I Can Has Cheezburger.
5. I check out cute puppies at The Daily Puppy. If it’s not a lab, a golden, a husky or some similar breed, I don’t click through. If it is a lab or a golden, I click through and then send the link to my wife.
6. I check for other animal-related ridiculousness at Cute Overload. Laugh if you will, but that’s where I found such hits as “Marmoset There’d Be Days Like This” and “Otters Holding Hands.” (I have a responsibility to my coworkers — and you too! — to find things like this.)
7. I check Drudge Report to see if Obama has turned the entire country into a Gay Communist Paradise or if a Volcano is attacking Los Angeles.
8. If I’m particularly energetic, I will log into the publishing tool at work and approve (or reject) comments made on our news stories.
And that’s it. I don’t read any other blogs. I don’t read any other news sites. That’s what work is for!
KEN WHEATON 
I cannot believe you just got me to read all that. Well played, Sir, well played.
My morning:
Alarm goes off at 8. Get up, turn it off, turn on NY1, and return to womb-like comfort of bed to listen to weather.
Promise that I will get out of bed at the next weather-on-the-1s. Two or three more times.
Finally forced up by impatient dog who’s holding it. Take pills. Brush teeth.
Notice that once again, someone has stolen my NYT. Take out dog on her normal route, which forces us to twice pass by the gross, leering guy who sweeps up the outside the bank.
Return to apartment. Force dogs’ jaws open for arthritis medication. Set out breakfast, water, ice, assorted chewy things for dog.
Shower, make bed, throw on some clothes, and if I’m not too late, some tinted moisturizer.
Definitely late now. Turn on some music to keep pup company. Leave house with wet hair. Forget lunch.
Would that be “The Esquire Bank” … or one of the real ones.
Brooklyn Federal something or other, I think. Has the clock sticking out of top.
Here it is: http://tinyurl.com/7qujzk