I’ve been dropping these words of wisdom on Twitter all day, so figured I’d share them in one place.
1. Since women say they value open communication above all else, Feb. 14 is a great day to air all your grievances!
2. When you’re old lady says, “Really. I don’t want anything.” You should totally believe her.
3. VD should be your day, too. Insist that she does something for you–like let you watch the game in peace!
4. If you must agree to dinner and a chick-flick, repeatedly mutter “this is bullshit” under your breath to remind her who’s boss.
5. Use last year’s card; call it recycling. Tell her it’s for the environment. If she complains, tell her she hates the earth.
6. Write her a poem using only the words found in Christian Bale’s recent meltdown.
7. A great gift: YOU go shopping for all the ingredients so she can make your favorite meal.
8. Guys, it’s cool to be overcome with emotion after getting that Snoopy card. If you cry, she’ll think you’re that much hotter.
9. Two words: “Stimulus package.”
10. Do NOT, under any circumstances, take my advice!
(Full disclosure: I’m writing this before my wife even forces me asks me to. I’m happily married and I’m spending all day with my wife tomorrow. Dinner, a play, etc. Then again, I spend all day EVERY Saturday with my wife. And every Sunday too. Except during football season. Because we like each other like that.)
KEN WHEATON 
That list is better than any Letterman has ever read.
I thought of one you forgot:
Women like to be confident in themselves and secure in their relationships. Help her out by flipping through the television channels, pointing out women who are prettier than her, but yet you still wouldn’t do.
Hilarious. #s 5 & 9 are my faves.