Gullible for Gurus

I didn’t get past page three of Elizabeth Gilbert’s “Eat Pray Love.” I physically could not read any further. I’m an eye-roller. And by that point, my eyes had pretty much locked into a backward-facing position. “Oh, c’mon,” was the reaction I kept having. It’s not that the writing was bad. It wasn’t. I just felt like I was listening to a rich white woman whine about her life. I also knew how many women had fallen for this garbage. Here’s a secret, folks. Unlucky in love and at a transitional stage in your life? All you need is a few hundred thousand dollars and a trip around the world. Amazing what a vacation can do! Of course, what it can’t do is guarantee you love or enlightenment that lasts.

Which, according to The New York Post in a story called Eat Pray Zilch, some people learned the hard way. “Eat Pray Love pilgrims — who sought out the meaning of life — say they wound up broke and totally broken.”

Ya think? Spending $20,000 for advice from some joker in India didn’t solve your life problems? Shocker.

How desperate are these women for love? Christ. That’s not to say this is gender-specific. Not at all. How many thousands of dollars do lonely men dump into strip clubs, escorts or, for those looking for “relationships,” mail-order brides and schemes like The Mystery Method.

That’s right. There are men out there so desperate, confused and lonely that they will pay a STREET MAGICIAN thousands of dollars for tricks on bagging a lady. You know, because magicians are just notorious for their ways with women.

Hell, here’s an idea. And I’ll give it to everyone for free. Start a book club exclusively for women who loved Eat Pray Love and men who bought The Mystery Method. They’re all looking for the same thing after all. I can’t guarantee that it will lead to love connections or everlasting happiness. But it’s a hell of a lot cheaper than going to India.

7 thoughts on “Gullible for Gurus

  1. I love that Google placed an ad on this blog post for the Eat, Pray, Love collection the Home Shopping Network is selling. How’s that for ‘the machine’ not hearing the cogs groan?

  2. Along those lines, the chicks coming out of the “EPL” movie this weekend and the guys coming out of Expendables should meet in the lobby. Someone should set up a cooler of white zin and Bud Light. Let the real magic happen…

  3. Ha! I feel like the problem behind EPL is the same problem behind Sex & The City (disclaimer: I am a fan of both) women [and some men] weren’t able to take the lessons behind the pieces of work & apply it to their own life in a personalized way. The point that Liz Gilbert was trying to make wasn’t that a world-wide-trip would solve everything – she was trying to explain that codependent women every where need to do things for themselves – things that make them happy – in order to be able to manage a healthy relationship. The less-than-intelligent portion of the female population was unable to translate this to their own life & is unfortunately ruining it for the rest of us.

  4. Your book club would result in a bunch of men who can’t believe that negging finally worked and a bunch of women who can’t believe the guy with the fuzzy leopard-print fedora didn’t call them the next day.

  5. I didn’t even realize it was a film. I was thinking it was part of some old Johnny Carson “The Amazing Karnak” sketch. You know:
    “Eat, Pray, Love.”
    (opens envelope)
    “Name three things priests can do while kneeling.”

  6. Hi Ken–commenting from the Cajun South (Lafayette). Didn’t get a chance to see you when you came to the Barnes And Noble here a while back, but I’m about to check out your novel–really looking forward to it. Wishing you continued success from Louisiana.

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