Donald Trump is the father of us all

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“Who ya gonna believe? Me or your own lying ears?” Photo by Gage Skidmore

So Donald Trump is now suggesting that actual audio tape of him talking about grabbing women by the cooter could be fake. This even after he previously admitted that it was his voice on the tape and that he did, indeed, say those things.

Sure, previous Liar in Chief Bill Clinton tried to weasel himself out of a corner by arguing over the legal definition of “is.” (And I wouldn’t put much past either of the Clintons when backed into a corner. Those two are like badgers.) Those were different times, though. Hell, we didn’t know that we were supposed to believe all women, all the time. Apparently, Hillary didn’t either. She especially didn’t believe the ones who accused Bill of nonconsensual attacks and rape.

But in this case there is actual audio proof AND a confession from the man himself.

And now he’s going to try to change the story. The thing is, with his supporters, it will likely work. This is depressing. Yes, it’s MORE depressing than Hillary supporters who will twist themselves into knots making excuses for her covering for Bill and trashing other women to further her own political career.

It’s also dangerous. If you’re going to believe such obvious lies contradicted by actual evidence (and a confession!), then you’ll believe, literally, anything.

Donald Trump could show up at a supporter’s house and actually get away with the following.

Donald Trump: “Hi. I’m Donald Trump, genius, businessman, genius-businessman and best president ever.”

Trump Supporter: “Wow, Mr. President. I’m a huge fan. You’ve done so much to MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! And you’re such a patriot!”

DT: “That’s right. The 70s were my Vietnam. Syphilis is my Purple Heart. Earned it at the battle of Poon.”

Trump Supporter: “You know, I think I saw that on Hannity last night. Sounds right to me. Thank you for your service.”

DT: “Don’t mention it. So, anyway. I notice your child there. A special child. So special. Just look at her.”

Trump Supporter: “Thanks, Mr. President.”

DT: “She’s mine.”

Trump Supporter: “Uh. Excuse me. I’m not quite following.”

DT: “She’s mine. I’m her father. She’s my daughter.”

Trump Supporter: “But Mr. Trump, I’ve never been with anyone other than my husband.”

DT: “Who are you gonna believe? Me or your own lying lady parts?”

Trump Supporter: “That’s an excellent point, sir.”

DT: “You haven’t been listening to the Fake News, have you?”

Trump Supporter: “No. Of course not. … Well, I did watch 10 minutes of the Today Show, but only the part with Kathie-Lee and Hoda.”

DT: “Never mind that. I’ve got someone else here you need to meet. Sean, get over here.”

Sean Hannity: “I’M SEAN HANNITY! CAN I COME IN AND TELL YOU ABOUT THE CLINTONS’ LATEST–”

DT: “Not now, Sean. Tell her about the other thing. The kid.”

Sean Hannity: “DONALD TRUMP IS THE FATHER OF YOUR CHILD. HE IS THE FATHER OF US ALL!”

Trump Supporter: “Oh. In that case. Sally, get your stuff. You’re going with Daddy.”

 

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