When I saw this New York Post cover this morning, I thought, “That’s hilarious. No way can that be topped.”
Then the Boston Metro did this. Rex Ryan just got served. Continue reading “Funny Newspapers Are Funny”
Author: kenwheaton
The Book of Genesis, Milan Kundera and Me
After years of writing, something I’ve written has finally been compared to the Bible and Milan Kundera. I can’t tell you how proud I am.
Gee, Guys, Thanks for Warning the Rest of the Office
How many Australians does it take to shoot video of a flash flood washing away cars?
How to Dispose of Your Christmas Tree
Live in New York City and still find yourself with a needle-shedding tree in your apartment? Can’t dispose of it the right way because you don’t have a fireplace in which to shove it and set it ablaze standing up? Too timid to chuck it out your window to see what happens? Don’t have enough fireworks to blow it up? Your pet beaver just doesn’t like the taste of pine?
Continue reading “How to Dispose of Your Christmas Tree”
Is the Twain Autobiography the First Blog?
As I’ve been making my way through Mark Twain’s autobiography, I’ve been continually put in mind of something that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. Something about the style. What you should know about the autobiography is that Twain didn’t write it–he dictated it, in rambling fashion. Some people, like grouchy-pants and obviously envious Garrison Keillor, hate this. (Keillor might not be Twain’s equal in novel-writing, but the two have this in common: They love the sounds of their own voices and when they get going on politics it can sometimes verge into the sort of rant that would do Bill O’Reilly proud).
Continue reading “Is the Twain Autobiography the First Blog?”
Here’s a Good Way to Get Yourself Shot by Cops
The Rifle Umbrella, from Gadget Brando!
Mark Twain Let’s Loose on a U.S. ‘Victory’
So how did Mark Twain react to a “glorious” American victory during fighting in the Philippines in 1906? Angrily. And with good reason. The set-up is this: American troops found 600 enemy Moros — women and children — hiding in a volcanic crater. Over 500 U.S. troops, with native allies, dragged artillery up to the rim and a “battle” followed — one in which all of the Moros were killed. Fifteen U.S. troops dies and, if the most publicized injury is a fair indicator, they likely died by friendly fire.
This prompted Twain, who was in the middle of dictating his autobiography — dwelling on the one-room school house in which he was educated — to a multi-day tirade. At one point he takes particular issue with a note from President Theodore Roosevelt congratulating the American general who commanded this “brilliant feat of arms” that “upheld the honor of the American flag.”
Sayeth Twain:
He knew perfectly well that to pen six hundred helpless and weaponless savages in a hole like rats in a trap and massacre them in detail during a stretch of a day and a half, from a safe position on the heights above, was no brilliant feat of arms – and would not have been a brilliant feat of arms even if Christian America, represented by its salaried soldiers, had shot them down with Bibles and the Golden Rule instead of bullets. He knew perfectly well that our uniformed assassins had not upheld the honor of the American flag, but had done as they have been doing continuously for eight years in the Philippines – that is to say, they had dishonored it.
Kapow! You can also get just a taste there of Twain’s disdain for the hypocrisy of organized religion. (Someone’s taken the trouble to excerpt a little more from this section if you’re interested.)
A Louisiana-Infused Interview With Me
Amy Reynolds Alexander, proprietor of Granola Rouge, interviewed me for In Register magazine. It’s a demographic I never really considered, but a good one to be in front of. At any rate, In Register’s site is difficult to navigate and at 300 words, the interview was whacked down, so you can read the entire thing at Granola Rouge if you’re into that sort of thing.
2010 in review
The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:
The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow.
Crunchy numbers
A helper monkey made this abstract painting, inspired by your stats.
About 3 million people visit the Taj Mahal every year. This blog was viewed about 31,000 times in 2010. If it were the Taj Mahal, it would take about 4 days for that many people to see it.
In 2010, there were 108 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 350 posts. There were 20 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 15mb. That’s about 2 pictures per month.
The busiest day of the year was December 10th with 1,544 views. The most popular post that day was They’re Called BABY Wipes.
Where did they come from?
The top referring sites in 2010 were theawl.com, twitter.com, facebook.com, Google Reader, and daddytypes.com.
Some visitors came searching, mostly for ken wheaton, boudin, the first annual grand prairie rabbit festival, word o wheaton, and whale vs boat.
Attractions in 2010
These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.
1
They’re Called BABY Wipes December 2010
19 comments
2
Your Stinking Corpse August 2010
8 comments
3
About November 2008
15 comments
4
The First Annual Grand Prairie Rabbit Festival August 2009
12 comments
5
Gumbo for Dummies December 2008
10 comments
It’s Gonna Blow!
Things I’ve ate in one 12-hour period in Louisiana.
Nine Chicken McNuggets (hey, I was starving when I got off the plane).
Two links of boudin.
Handful of cracklins.
Two plates of crawfish etouffee.
One bowl of gumbo.
And some chaudin.
KEN WHEATON 