Subway Gods Can Lick My . . .

9:45 a.m. Board 4 Train at Borough Hall. Head toward Manhattan.
9:50 to 10:00. Subway sits, unmoving, due to “sick passenger” at Bowling Green.
10:00 to 10:15. Subway sits, unmoving, due to “smoke conditions” at Wall Street.
10:15. Subway turned back to Brooklyn
10:20. Arrive at Borough Hall via 4 Train.
10:25. Find R Train. Take R Train to Union Square. Transfer to 6.
11:10 a.m. Arrive at work.

Because of a fucking wire!!!!

Just Great: Kid Driving Subway Train

You know, I’ve seen NYC subway operators letting family members and kids into their compartments, but never thought much of it. Until this story came out in the Daily News.

A subway rider says he got the shock of his life when he peered into the cab and saw a kid behind the controls alongside the driver.

“I saw him driving. He couldn’t have been more than 8 or 9,” said Jules Cattie, 41. “That has to be the craziest thing I’ve ever seen.”

Cattie, a lawyer who lives on the East Side, said he spotted the child after he got into the front car of a Lexington Ave. express train Sunday.

“I was just in shock,” he said. “I thought, ‘This is really dangerous.'”

The Metropolitan Transportation Authority yesterday said it has launched “a vigorous and thorough investigation” into the charge.

It would be a blatant violation of work rules if the allegation were true.

A violation of the rules? You don’t says? Thank god there’s a rule for that.

The snitch–and I think we need more snitches in this city–took a photo as well.

Jail Time for Rude Subway Riders?

Give up your seat. Or else. According to CBS, “a new campaign reminds subway and bus riders to give up reserved seats to the elderly or disabled. Those who refuse could be fined $25 to $50 — or even face up to 10 days in jail.”

Well, isn’t that fine and dandy. I’m all for this, of course, but I do have some concerns. Who’s defining elderly here? And what if I can’t tell the difference between a pregnant woman and one who’s been pounding a few too many beers recently?

But my bigger complaint is that this doesn’t go nearly far enough. What about the assholes who take up two seats, either by spreading their legs wide or just throwing all their crap in the spot next to them? What about sunflower-seed eaters and finger-nail spitters? What about the salami slingers and diaper changers?

Reasons 987 To Hate the MTA

Excuse my language, but someone explain to me how the FUCK the MTA gets to stick taxes into my cellphone bill. And not just one, mind you, but three separate ones. An MTA sales tax, an MTA excise tax and an MTA surcharge. I’m sorry. A surcharge? For what? This sniveling group of math illiterates does nothing to enhance my cellphone service on a monthly basis. I could possibly–POSSIBLY–see a small fee if there was actual cell service in subway stations and on the trains. But that’s not the case (and, to be honest, I don’t want to hear the morons on the train making plans with their idiot friends or fighting with their stupid spouses over whose turn it is to pick up the damn milk on the way home from work).

Of course, New York City being what it is, there are a total of 10 taxes on your cellphone bill. Plus the Federal tax.

I love this quote from the story: “If there was a $5 monkey fee, even if they couldn’t explain it, you would still have to pay,” sniped Danny Schluck, 28, of Bushwick.

Hey, you know what Danny Schluck of Bushwick? A monkey fee is something I could get behind. At least monkeys are funny and bring joy to the lives of many. Besides, considering the MTAs rational budgeting plans, perhaps a monkey fee would be a more honest way of describing their taxes.

In the Bowels of Brooklyn

The lair of the CHUD
The lair of the CHUD
Braving giant rats, albino alligators and hungry CHUDs, I headed into underground Brooklyn today with a group of friends. Three years now, every other Sunday, I’ve watched people climbing a rickety ladder down into a manhole in the middle of the Court Street/Atlantic Avenue intersection for tours of the Atlantic Avenue Tunnel.
Continue reading “In the Bowels of Brooklyn”