Shady Shower Scene

Listen dude at the YMCA, you know what’s not cool? I walk into the shower and you’re already in there finishing up. You walk out, then come back in and start showering again. What the hell is up with that?

I guess I should explain to some of you women who are spoiled by your gyms with these separate shower stalls and privacy and what not. The men’s showers at the YMCA — or the ones in New York that I’ve been to — are basically you’re standard-issue prison showers. Shower heads poking out of the walls, hand-soap dispensers next to them and signs that say, “PLEASE NO SHAVING IN THE SHOWER.” Now, you’d think that in a civilized country, such a sign would be unnecessary. But you know who didn’t pay heed to that sign? The old fart in there two weeks ago with a razor and a pair of scissors TRIMMING HIS NUT SACK!

Now, maybe a good citizen would have told him something, but me? If I’m standing naked with no shoes on, I’m not saying shit to a man with scissors and a razor. You never know what could happen. Especially an old man like that. He could corner you and tell you sad stories about his life for the next hour (which is the biggest risk at the Vanderbilt YMCA in Manhattan).

For what it’s worth, the standard-issue prison shower is preferable to the showers in the men’s locker room at Tiger Schulmann Mixed Martial Arts in Manhattan. Not only do you not have stalls, but the shower heads branch out from poles in the middle of the room so that you have to face each other when showering. (That is, back in the day, when the showers actually worked. I tried to go back to my karate days in December and it seemed there was one functioning shower head — and that was the subject of a water rights dispute between the local roach population and a mold colony.)

Anyway, carry on. And behave yourselves in the shower.

It Really Makes You Think …

This morning, while in the shower washing my hair, I wondered to myself, “Why do we always wash our hair before dealing with the rest of our bodies? Who decided that? Was there a meeting?”

Then more questions: ‘HOW DO I KNOW EVERYONE ELSE WASHES THEIR HAIR BEFORE MOVING ON! WHAT IF I’M THE ONLY ONE? WHAT IF I’VE BEEN DOING IT WRONG THIS WHOLE TIME?”

It’s because of exactly this sort of thinking that I’m tempted to limit showers to once a month.

This Threesome Cannot Continue

While sorting through the wreckage that was my life apartment, I found a box in the bathroom. In the box was a double-headed showerhead. It was a gift from years ago, 2005 I believe. I only remember because it was the first time I attempted the New York marathon and we’d gone to Boston for a wedding and I didn’t get a chance to run that weekend but did get a chance to experience, at the end of a cold, rainy miserable day, the sublime pleasure of a high-powered double-headed showerhead.
Continue reading “This Threesome Cannot Continue”