Author: kenwheaton

From the running files

Posted on by kenwheaton in Uncategorized

Eight 400M “sprints” xup the North Hill. Oh, the things I saw on this one.

For the poets: Pink petals piled into drifts, pollen powdered over the cars, allergy sufferers saying, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME WITH THIS SHIT ALREADY?!?

For the weirdos: A man taking his dog for a walk. Said man was also on a unicycle and juggling while doing this. Multitasking.

Managed to do 8 400s with very slow recoveries down the hill. Right hamstring started tightening up at the end, but screw it. It’s not the boss of me (yet).

I just copied and pasted this from Garmin Connect. First column is actual speed. Last column is pace per mile (was too lazy to delete). Obviously need to work on recovery time here. Wind was blowing pretty hard by the end.

1 1:45.6 0.25 7:03
2 3:34.1 0.25 14:17
3 1:54.7 0.25 7:39
4 3:54.9 0.25 15:39
5 1:49.6 0.25 7:19
6 4:16.8 0.25 17:08
7 1:52.9 0.25 7:32
8 4:51.9 0.25 19:28
9 1:53.1 0.25 7:32
10 4:32.5 0.25 18:10
11 1:53.1 0.25 7:32
12 5:14.7 0.25 20:59
13 2:00.1 0.25 8:01
14 4:17.3 0.25 17:09
15 1:52.6 0.25 7:31
16 4:46.5 0.25 19:27

It’s “All of A Sudden” not “All of THE Sudden”

Posted on by kenwheaton in Uncategorized

There are right ways to do things and wrong ways to do things. This is the wrong way to do things.

“All of THE sudden, there it was.”

I don’t know where you people are picking this up from. Perhaps you’ve hopped in a time machine and gone back to the 1500s recently.

But the correct idiomatic phrase in English is “All of a sudden.”

So just stop it. Drives me crazy.

Tip-Toeing Toward the Barefoot Church

Posted on by kenwheaton in Uncategorized

Yesterday, while running out of Prospect Park, I spied a man running into it, half a leash length behind his yellow lab. The man had no shoes on.

I am not saying to you that he was wearing Vibrams Fivefingers or Adidas adiPure or even Merrel Trail Gloves. I’m saying that the top of the man’s pasty white feet were glowing in the early morning light while his soles padded across the pavement.

I wasn’t immediately repulsed by this.
Continue reading “Tip-Toeing Toward the Barefoot Church” →

Live, From Southpaw: Demolition

Posted on by kenwheaton in Uncategorized

I think I’d only ever been to Southpaw once, way back in the day. Despite living around the corner from it for the better part of this last year, never went in again. I was too old or too unhipster for many of the musical acts. And the thought of going to open story or poetry slams sends shivers down my spines. The lines were always too long anyway. That said, it was the sort of joint that made the north end of Park Slope a better place. But it’s been shuttered, and this is what it looked like this morning.

UPS Fail on Multiple Levels

Posted on by kenwheaton in Uncategorized

Someone from the mail room here at work just dropped off a package that UPS couldn’t deliver. This was exceedingly strange.

The package, meant for my son, was sent out March 15. I’m just getting it back now?

The package was returned because recipient was not at that address. Pretty sure they didn’t move. Someone had scribbled over the address in black marker. Perhaps this is standard UPS procedure for a failed delivery. But I could see through the marker that the street said Yadda Yadda Drive SOUTH. In fact, the address I’d put down on the form was Yadda Yadda Drive EAST, which is where he actually lives.

The return address on the package was my home address. Yet this package was returned to me at work? How many levels of invasion of privacy and/or data breaching are involved with UPS making this particular connection considering I’m pretty sure I did not put my work address down on the form I filled out?

I walk over to the UPS Store. Turns out the computer keeps trying to autocorrect Yadda Yadda Drive East to Yadda Yadda Drive South. Good job, robots and computers. (GPS Units aren’t big fans of my son’s neighborhood either, but still.)

The guy at the UPS Store overrode the computer, printed a new label and a new receipt and said, “I’ll just let you go on this one since it was our fault.”

Gee, ya think? I appreciate that I didn’t have to fight for this one, but thanks for sounding like you were doing me a favor. Hell, considering the package will get there close to a month late — if it gets there (and I have no confidence it will) — I should have demanded a full refund and the damn thing be resent overnight.

It’s Training Men

Posted on by kenwheaton in Uncategorized

A few years back, The New York Times ran a piece about the troubles with training men. It was called “What Training Shamu Taught Me About a Happy Marriage.” It even featured an illustration of a woman holding a hoop, through which her husband was jumping. (Interestingly, one of the lessons wasn’t about how to avoid your husband grabbing you with his teeth and dragging you along underwater until you drown.)

The piece was meant to be funny in the way that Times and New Yorker pieces are too often “funny.” Upon reading them, people may be prompted to say, “Oh, that’s too funny” instead of, you know, actually laughing.
Continue reading “It’s Training Men” →

Let Me Solve That Problem For Ya

Posted on by kenwheaton in Uncategorized

Oh, the FAA.

The US Federal Aviation Administration today announced it is exploring ways to make it easier for airlines to allow travelers to use connected gadgets like phones, iPads, and tablet PCs during plane takeoff and landing.

Want to make it easier? JUST LET US USE THEM!

Know how I know it’s safe, FAA? Because on every single flight, I’d expect at least 10% of the people on the plane have left their electronic devices on, either accidentally or intentionally. Hell, I don’t even care about cellphones or internet. Maybe I’ll believe your paranoid lies about wireless devices bringing down a plane. But iPods and e-readers aren’t actually transmitting. My Nook isn’t any more likely to bring down the plane than that other passenger’s stupid paperback copy of Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.

But of course this is the FAA, so according to The Times:

Abby Lunardini, vice president of corporate communications at Virgin America, explained that the current guidelines require that an airline must test each version of a single device before it can be approved by the F.A.A. For example, if the airline wanted to get approval for the iPad, it would have to test the first iPad, iPad 2 and the new iPad, each on a separate flight, with no passengers on the plane.

It would have to do the same for every version of the Kindle. It would have to do it for every different model of plane in its fleet. And American, JetBlue, United, Air Wisconsin, etc., would have to do the same thing.