Author: kenwheaton

I’m Reading. Again. This Time In Louisiana

Posted on by kenwheaton in First Annual Grand Prairie Rabbit Festival

I’ll get back to proper blogging, I promise. I have to let you know how the Hamptons Half Marathon went and my very strong feelings about hippie peanut butter. But first!

I’m reading from The First Annual Grand Prairie Rabbit Festival again. Twice. In Eunice, Louisiana. On the same day.

MONDAY, OCT. 11

NOON: LSUE Library. Work nights? Got no job? Come on out. See me put some college kids to SLEEP.

7 p.m.: Cafe Mosaic, located at 202 South 2nd Street, Eunice, LA, 70535.

(I’m also reading in upstate New York next Wednesday. And cooking, too. I’ll post about that later)

Live, at The Brazen Head

Posted on by kenwheaton in Uncategorized

That’s right, I’m reading at my favorite bar. I’m joining comic, Brazen Head bartender and friend of mine Kendra Cunningham and a few musicians, see below, to raise some funds for another our friends, Lee Greenfeld. If you hand out at The Brazen Head or The Henry Street Ale House, you’ve probably seen Lee working, DJing or consuming books at an alarming rate. Lee blew out his back in a major way and the costs are piling up like crazy. As a fellow Brazen Head inebriate, reader and back-pain victim (I had surgery a couple years ago), I felt compelled to pitch in. To be honest, I just couldn’t pass up a chance to read at the Brazen.

When: Wednesday, Sept. 29
Where: 228 Atlantic Ave., Brooklyn, NY 11201
Time: Doors Open at 8 p.m.
Cover Charge: $10
Other goodies: Raffles for prizes including a signed copy of my book, gift certificate from Brooklyn Tattoo, mystery gifts from The Brazen Head and a gift bucket from Dead Flower Productions. (I don’t know what a gift bucket is, but I want one). Also included, according to one flyer: inebriation, hedonism and lechery.

Lineup:

The Comedy Stylings of Kendra Cunningham (Check out her blog)

A reading from The First Annual Grand Prairie Rabbit Festival, by me.

Live Music from Benjamin Howard Smith from The Brought Low (acoustic)

and

Justin Angelo Morey and Herb Wiley from The Black Hollies (acoustic)

The Brazen Head Cures Cancer

Posted on by kenwheaton in Cancer

The best bar in the whole world — and I’m not just saying that because it’s a one-minute walk from my apartment and they nursed me through my separation (like any good bar would) — is doing its part to fight cancer. Well, sort of. One of my fellow Team in Training people is cohosting a fundraiser there tonight and you should go.

Team in Training raises money for the Leukemia & Lymphoma society. Half of the proceeds will go there, the other half to the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer. If you don’t go, it means you love cancer

Two Causes Same Fight
Team In Training & the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer
WHEN: Thursday, Sept. 16th, 6 pm to Midnight
WHERE: The Brazen Head
228 Atlantic Avenue, Brooklyn
ADMISSION: $15 – gets you a raffle ticket for an Apple IPAD and your
first well drink free! Happy Hour prices all night! Music by DJ One Flight! Silent auction for additional prizes!

My Beautiful Brain

Posted on by kenwheaton in Uncategorized

So I got a call from the neurologist yesterday. After diagnosing cluster headaches, she’d sent me in for an MRI just to be safe. As I explained yesterday, cluster headaches are basically man migraines. According to some of the literature they’re brought on by alcohol and preserved meats high in nitrites — pretty much the only two food groups I eat on a regular basis. The neurologist, however, sort of rolled her eyes at the literature and said they really had no idea what the hell caused them (not surprising, considering I found that drinking actually made them go away!).

At any rate, a part of me was hoping the MRI would turn up the dormant nubbin of an evil twin just hanging around in my head somewhere. It would explain so much. But no. The scan came back clean. Indeed, the neurologist said it was beautiful. So I got that going for me.

“Say baby, did you know I have a beautiful brain?”

In Which I Discover the Joys of Valium

Posted on by kenwheaton in Subway

Know what will take the edge off of any morning commute? Valium. Who knew?

No, I haven’t turned into a pill-popping crazy lady who wanders the streets of Manhattan in a silk robe and sunglasses, a flask in one hand and a cigarette in the other. I had an MRI this morning because the neurologist I went to about the cluster headaches just wanted to play it really safe. She said there’s no reason to think anything is wrong, but might as well check. Cluster headaches, by the way, are like man-migraines. Unlike more traditional lady migraines, they don’t build up over time and intensify. No, they come over full-powered, strong and are over (in migraine terms) fairly quickly. Typical male behavior!
Continue reading “In Which I Discover the Joys of Valium” →

Dear USTA and U.S. Open Sponsors

Posted on by kenwheaton in WTF?

I’m not going to gripe about the price of tickets or the price of concessions or the exclusive Heineken sponsorship that forced me to drink, well Heineken, or even the weather, as you had no control over that.

But a few questions:

1. Upon arriving at the stadium bag-free as per your security notes, I was told that e-readers were not allowed in the stadium. E-READERS! iPhones, BlackBerries, video cameras, real cameras, these things are all allowed. On these things one can take pictures, video, talk, blog, surf the web. On an e-reader, one can … read. Why does the USTA hate literacy? By the way, I went to another entrance and snuck mine in, so take THAT!

2. Why don’t you take a tougher stance against guidos and goombas there to socialize rather than watch tennis? (Granted, it’s sometimes hard to distinguish these from Eurotrash, but I think Eurotrash typically wears better shoes.)

3. As folks were standing around in the rain on Sunday, going into the fourth hour of delay for the men’s final, CBS was broadcasting the previous day’s match. The minute they went to a live shot of the empty stadium and put up a graphic saying something about the match being postponed until Monday, you cut the transmission. And then didn’t make an announcement for another ten to fifteen minutes. WTF? No. Seriously. WTF?

4. Sure there are contracts and TV rights to consider but you do realize there is a difference between Sunday at 4 p.m. and Monday at 4 p.m.? Right? Then again, I imagine you might be a bunch of slack-jawed suburbanites or rich and out of touch. Here’s a hint. Monday is a weekday. Sunday is a weekend. Besides it’s not like anyone needed to see CBS Monday-night lineup. Then again you already had the money from ticket-goers so what did you care?

5. After one day of rain delay, rain moved again on Monday and the entire stadium seem unprepared. Concessions were closed. I assumed that was done because of lightning. But on our level (the prole level), they simply weren’t reopened. It was hard to get a straight answer from anyone whether they were out of food or simply didn’t feel like opening. I did see one long line of people have the screen pulled down in their faces. People were forced to eat $5 ice cream bars for dinner. (And by people I mean me.) And you ran out of beer on an entire level. YOU RAN OUT OF BEER!?!?!

6. No. Seriously. You ran out of beer?

Kindness, The Clap and Calvin and Hobbes

Posted on by kenwheaton in First Annual Grand Prairie Rabbit Festival, Relationships, Writing

Way back in my freshman year in college, I was so stupid I didn’t realize how stupid I was. And to be honest, so were my friends. But we all were. We were, 17, 18, 19 and didn’t know any better. And that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. Startling insight, I know. How did I ever come up with that? And why am I boring you with it now.
Continue reading “Kindness, The Clap and Calvin and Hobbes” →