Once In A Lifetime Opportunity!

“Now is the perfect time to buy,” I’m being told by realtors in New York. “You won’t see prices this low again in your lifetime. And the mortgage rates? Forget it. Never be this low again.”

Oddly enough, they were telling me this last October — when prices were 8% higher and rates were at 6%. And again in December, when one apartment developer refused to cover closing costs and wouldn’t drop his price another $10,000 to meet our offer. At the time, we were sort of desperate and thought that apartment–with all its faults–was the only similar that we’d ever see in our price range. Now we know better. And that apartment’s still on the market. Has been on the market for over four months now. They’ve dropped the asking price. Even if we were to overlook all the faults and make another run at it, we wouldn’t offer the price we made last year.

Hey, developers and owners. Consider this. That offer might be 20% below asking price, but you might not see offers this generous again in your lifetime.

Nation’s First Black President Tells U.N. to Stuff Anti-Racism Conference

Good for the Obama administration.

A major United Nations anti-racism conference was thrown into further disarray Sunday when more countries joined a U.S. boycott amid concerns it was developing into a platform for attacking Israel.

The United Nation’s anti-racism efforts make about as much sense as its Human Right Commission, both of which have turned into little more than pot-clanging lunatic shelters for the likes of Iran, Sudan and other countries that have elevated torture and violation of human rights to art forms. Sure. Let’s take lessons on racism from the sort of anti-Semites who would make Hitler seem like a Jew-lover. These are people that want to make it illegal to joke about their religion while calling Jews a bunch of baby-killing, half-pig/half-ape vampires.

The United Nations is a joke. The fact that it was George W. Bush saying as much for the last eight years didn’t make it any less a statement of fact. Perhaps one benefit of having Democrats in charge will be that we can ALL admit that without being called torture-happy right-wing reactionaries. When it comes to attacking the U.S., the West, and the sorts of civilizations that gave it life, it’s a cacophony of ankle-biting goons. When it comes to doing something–anything–about actual evil and true threats to the world at large, it’s both blind and toothless.

Of course, there’s always one bunch of useful idiots in our midst (and it’s typically this same bunch). The Congressional Black Caucus, last seen on its knees sucking off the Castro regime, is “deeply dismayed” that the Obama administration didn’t itself embrace a knee-jerk response just because the brain trust in the U.N. decided to call its hate fest an “anti-racism” conference. I don’t expect our elected representatives to have IQs much higher than a box of saltines, but these clowns continually fail to meet even my basement-level expectations.

Nice Boy, but as Sharp as a Sack of Wet Mice

As Karol says, “It never fails to amaze me how much men will overlook for a little nookie.”

The sad tale of a Hipster Grifter … and one of the dumbest marks around. And damn if this isn’t one of the funniest quotes I’ve ever read.

Basically, the consensus was to stick around because you like this girl, but don’t get too attached, because she’s going to be dead in three months”

And this:

“She was dancing, smoking pot. I thought it was really strange that if she was dying of lung cancer, she’d be smoking pot.”

But, best of all, was this note sent from our Villain to a bar patron: “I want you to throw a hot dog down my hall.”

Reasons 987 To Hate the MTA

Excuse my language, but someone explain to me how the FUCK the MTA gets to stick taxes into my cellphone bill. And not just one, mind you, but three separate ones. An MTA sales tax, an MTA excise tax and an MTA surcharge. I’m sorry. A surcharge? For what? This sniveling group of math illiterates does nothing to enhance my cellphone service on a monthly basis. I could possibly–POSSIBLY–see a small fee if there was actual cell service in subway stations and on the trains. But that’s not the case (and, to be honest, I don’t want to hear the morons on the train making plans with their idiot friends or fighting with their stupid spouses over whose turn it is to pick up the damn milk on the way home from work).

Of course, New York City being what it is, there are a total of 10 taxes on your cellphone bill. Plus the Federal tax.

I love this quote from the story: “If there was a $5 monkey fee, even if they couldn’t explain it, you would still have to pay,” sniped Danny Schluck, 28, of Bushwick.

Hey, you know what Danny Schluck of Bushwick? A monkey fee is something I could get behind. At least monkeys are funny and bring joy to the lives of many. Besides, considering the MTAs rational budgeting plans, perhaps a monkey fee would be a more honest way of describing their taxes.

My Easter Debauchery

For the last 40 days I’ve had no alcohol, no candy, no soda and, with the exception of some barbecue extravaganza’s, have kept my calorie intake in the 1,500 to 1,800 range.

So I started off this morning with a chocolate rabbit and a bottle of Jack Daniels.

I kid. I kid.

Much to my own surprise, I haven’t had either booze or candy yet today. This, despite my promises to the contrary. This, despite the Easter basked it–one I purchased with my own two hands–stuffed with chocolate.

Instead, I started off the day with yogurt and Grape Nuts, then went down to Starbucks for a couple of hours to get some writing done.

And then I went to Popeyes.

Oh yeah. Popeyes. Three piece dark with a side of red beans and rice. And a large Coke. To be honest, I don’t know which was better, the Coke or the chicken. But both were damn good. I usually get a Fanta Orange when I go to Popeyes, but since I hadn’t had a soda in so long, I wanted the real thing.

Now, I may nap. But not until after having some sort of candy. Robin Eggs or Cadbury Mini Eggs? These are the type of hard-hitting decisions that a guy like me must face.

And then after the nap, perhaps I’ll go for a drink somewhere.

Snoopy’s Got Nothing on These Dogs

So Snoopy thinks he’s bad ass flying around on his doghouse, getting shot down in France and knocking down root beers in the officer’s mess, huh? Well, check out these guys.


See what art we were capable off when we didn’t have do-goodnicks like the ASPCA around! (Apparently it was a series. Check out some of the related videos.)

President’s AIDS Plan Saved 1.2 Million in Africa*

*No, not the president you’re thinking of.

April 6 (Bloomberg) — The largest U.S. foreign aid program fighting the AIDS epidemic has cut the disease’s death toll by 1.2 million from 2004 to 2007 in a dozen hard-hit African countries, researchers said.

The President’s Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief, started by President George W. Bush in 2003, lowered the AIDS death rate on average by 10.5 percent a year in those countries.

Of course, we should probably ditch the program as everything Bush created had a gooey evil core underneath a crunchy shell of stupid.

Then again, as Bob Geldof once said, “‘You’ll think I’m off my trolley, but Bush has the most positive approach to Africa since Kennedy.”

It’s a Family Tradition

Why are my uncles and cousins drunkenly wrasslin’ over a pineapple, I found myself thinking not very long ago. And why is my other cousin dancing with a mop while standing in a laundry basket?

Most of my family lives in South Louisiana and they’re Cajun through and through. Even when the crew from Ville Platte invades Face Book en masse, as they’ve been doing in the last couple of months, they bring their style to social media.
Continue reading “It’s a Family Tradition”