Please imagine the theme song to Jaws as you look at this photo
What I like about the photo is it makes it seem there’s a really big shark closing in on Cara and me as we snorkel off of Savala, an uninhabited island off the coast of Fiji. It’s lurking there, sizing us up. Are we worth pursuing?
Can you feel the excitement? Can you feel the danger?
Of course, marine biologists and shark nerds can probably spot that it’s just a reef shark. And the truth of the photo is this: I took it lying on my belly in about six inches of water. The shark is maybe six feet away and is itself maybe a foot and a half long. How non-scary were these sharks? Cara spotted them first from the beach and, I kid you not, practically chased after them on foot — then donned snorkel gear and went in looking for them.
Place is lousy with lizards (none of which we saw in the wild)Not much to report on yesterday. We stayed near the Outrigger. Walked over to Kula Eco Park and touched some iguanas. Heh. That’s what she said. The iguanas in Fiji are small – so small they’re almost actually cute, unlike those ugly monster lizards I lived with for a while in college who’d sidle up to me whenever I was eating and be like, “Gimme a lima bean” (sorry, Steph!).
Following some iguana fondling and snake holding, we walked around the park, which is in essence a tiny zoo consisting mostly of birds, plants, a few lizards, a couple of sea turtles and bats. Finally, I could see one of these bats up close and personal and take a picture and . . . well, the bat seemed even more excited to see me.
Be careful where you point that thing!
After that, we returned to the hotel and were carted up to Bebe spa up the hill for a one-hour couple’s massage. We had our feet exfoliated with sugar and mango and god knows what else before being oiled up and rubbed down to the point that it was all we could do to string a coherent sentence together after the hour was up. We wandered over to the hill top bar for a fruity drink and some tapas, then carted back down to the hotel where we unwound from such a stressful day by sitting poolside.
Shhhh. Quiet zone.
I’m not even going to tell you what we’re doing today.
For your safety...Five minutes into the safety presentation, my only thought was this: “I’m a dead man.”
We were standing on the banks of the Wainikoroiluva river, inflatable kayaks at our feet, well-used life-preservers strapped tightly to our persons, helmets crammed onto our heads. One of the Rivers Fiji guides was standing in the ankle deep water, which was rushing around his legs and heading about 100 yards downstream where it frothed up around a series of boulders that looked much larger than the ones in the brochure. Continue reading “On River Rafting and Watefall Swimming in Fiji”→
Five minutes into the safety presentation, my only thought was this: “I’m a dead man.”
We were standing on the banks of the Wainikoroiluva river, inflatable kayaks at our feet, well-used life-preserves strapped tightly to our persons, helmets crammed onto our heads. One of the guides was standing in the ankle deep water, which was rushing around his legs and heading about 100 yards downstream where it frothed up around a series of boulders that looked much larger than the ones in the brochure.
No highly detailed account of yesterday’s activities. There are photos and stories, yes, including some sea kayaking and the first rain since we’ve been here. But we’re going to spend today recovering from the excitement of the International Frog Race. The Fijian frog won. We think. I suspect shenanigans may have been involved!
Actually, it’s 6 a.m. and we have a van picking us up in under an hour to whisk us away to a river rafting tour, so not much time to write. Maybe tomorrow.
At Le Cafe, in FijiOne of the things that has always worried me about resort travel is the prospect of getting stuck in an isolated area on a resort with nowhere else to go. Sure, having people cater to you all day is nice and all, but I do get restless. Not only do you miss out on the actual feel for the place you’re visiting, but on a practical level the resort can charge you ridiculous prices for food and drink. It’s like a cruise ship without the seasickness.
So one of the first things we did upon arrival was walk up the beach in either direction to see what else there was. On either side are a few more hotels of varying levels – from adult summer camp to fancy. There are also aggressive cab drivers walking the beach and the road to the west. One, in fact, tried to sell us on his cab services, his tour services, his rental car services and a “real” Indian meal cooked by his wife—for a charge, of course. Some might jump at the chance of such a meal, but I’m not a huge fan of Indian food and the guy kept getting us to go with him to his car so he could show us a brochure. And his car was behind a fence.
Of course, his name was Ken.
We declined.
But last night we did venture to Le Café, an open-air ramshackle place with a couple of cats, some wobbly bar stools, a limited menu and cheap beer. We spent about three hours there, the first half of which was in conversation with an elderly British couple, Derrick and Hazel, who’d just spent some time travelling, Hong Kong, Singapore, three weeks driving around New Zealand, and were now unwinding at a hotel up the beach that had no phone, TV or radio. Both retired, Derrick is 71 and Hazel 60-something. They were knocking back beers and telling us of the schooner trip they’d made the day before. I hope I’m that cool and active when I’m that age. Ah, hell, I hope I’m alive when I’m that age.
We also did a bit of snorkeling yesterday morning. We are on what is known as the Coral Coast. So, the white sand beaches you see on the outer islands of Fiji are not what we have in front of us. What we do have is coral. There’s a dead patch right off the beach, but a short swim beyond that and there were plenty of fish, starfish, sea cucumbers, even a couple of eels. It was a little cloudy so visibility wasn’t the best in the world, but we might give it another shot today.
Here, fishy-fishy.
Still trying to get a picture of one of those damned bats. You think something that big would be easier to photograph, but they’re faster than you think — and flying in low-light conditions. Instead, we leave you with toads on the moon.
Tuesday MorningIt’s 6 a.m. on a Tuesday morning and I’m sitting on a balcony drinking the sort of in-room instant coffee served by even some of the best foreign hotels that would shock the sort of American who’s used to staying in at the Motel 6.
But I am in Fiji, so this is perfectly fine with me. The truth is the instant isn’t so bad and, unlike some other foreign hotels I’ve been in, the coffee in the restaurants is actually delicious. Besides which, we are not here to drink coffee. We are here for vacation, we are here to relax. Continue reading “Not a Bad Way to Start the Week”→
How did this happen?When the man sang that some enchanted evening, you will see a stranger across a crowded room, he didn’t mention anything about a couple of yappy lap dogs. But on a July night at Grant Street Dance Hall in Lafayette, Louisiana, I was only in town for two more days and wasn’t exactly thinking about the future consequences of current actions. All I knew was that I was talking to this curly-haired blonde who I’d noticed an hour or so earlier — and I hadn’t lost her attention yet.
I already knew her name was Cara, that we had a couple of mutual acquaintances, that she’d dropped a ton of money to go to the Super Bowl earlier in the year and was also a rabid LSU fan. Those things, along with her — how do the French put this, “smoking hotness” — were more than enough to drown out any alarm bells that might have gone off when she whipped out the iPhone and started showing me photos of her “babies,” a couple of small poodles. Sure they were cute, boy they were fascinating, yeah I love dogs, yadda yadda yadda.
Of course, I paid attention — enough, at least, to notice that there was a black one and a white one and that sometimes they wore clothes. But, like I said, in town for a couple of days. If I was lucky, we’d make out and then we’d never see each other again, so a couple of high-maintenance yipsters were of no great concern. Continue reading “The Poodle Problem”→
I’m sure you’re proud of your shiny new toy, but it’s not so good. New York Road Runners, you’ve fallen into the trap of going for form over function.
Okay, it’s not THAT bad.
You’re a great organization. We love your services. But this redesign needs some work. First and foremost, you need to edit your top bar. “Run With Us” and “Run For Life” are silly and don’t tell me anything. Want to know what you should do? Look down the bar a little bit at “Get Stuff” and “Get Training.” PERFECT! Plain English that tells me what I get.
You only need two simple fixes that would make this redesign go down like sugar — even among cranks who hate all redesigns because they hate change (like me!). “GET CALENDAR” and “GET REGISTERED.” Or maybe “GET RACES.” This whole “Run with Us” sounds like you’re trying to trick me into a timeshare.
Oh, and make sure the calendar works. When last I tried that ridiculous “MORE” button (the top one), it wasn’t working at all. And there was nothing wrong with a month-by-month look at races. Many of us were trained by paper calendars and that’s how we like information.
The pictures and stuff are nice, but keep in mind that you’re an organization used by people on the go, looking for information. You’re not a publisher or a marketer who should be trying to create “sticky” websites, which is marketing speak for leading users down a damn maze so that you can later brag about the time-spent-on page metrics.
This is running, after all, and your site should reflect the spirit of running: clean, simple and, if possible, fast.
Child abuse was stamped out this year after a concerted effort to “raise awareness” on social-media platform Twitter.
Abusive parents everywhere commented, “You know, I just wasn’t aware of my behavior until those people twatted about it.”
“Twitter can do everything,” said Twitter users.
A internet user who uses only Facebook, however, pointed out that Twitter didn’t do as much as people are claiming. “Uh, hello. Our effort last year to post pictures from our favorite childhood cartoons totally cut child abuse by, like, 70%. So how much did they really have to do on Twitter? It’s like when I loosen up the jar and then my wife finishes opening it. And she’s all like ‘Ha! You suck!’ And then I have to teach her a lesson.”
After eradicating child abuse via Twitter, there are plans to cure AIDs with FourSquare check-ins.
KEN WHEATON 