Author: kenwheaton

These rainy spring mornings aren’t exactly conducive to hopping out of bed. This is nice. There’s something about nice about waking up and not feeling the urgent rush to get out of bed if it’s one of the first sunny weekend days of the year. It can’t be wasted! We may never get another one. Even better to wake up to a sunny weekday, convinced the weather gods are mocking you because you will have to sit in a cubicle all day while all the other kids are outside playing.
Continue reading “Spring Into Monday” →

It’s day four of my long national nightmare. There are no signs of relief. My head hurts more with each passing day. I sneeze–repeatedly. Overnight, I’ve developed a hacking cough. My eyes feel like they will pop out of my head.

A few years ago, when I went to a doctor telling her this cold or sinus infection was kicking my ass, she said, “Silly little man. You have allergies.”

“I never had them before,” I said.

“You do now,” she said.

So who do I blame? Old age or New York? Obviously, blaming either of those would be silly because a) I can’t go back and time and b) I’m sure as hell not moving anywhere else.

So that leaves me with one solution. And that isn’t medication. I haven’t found any that works yet. They all make me feel like I have allergy symptoms AND I’ve taken some lame-ass drug.

So, only thing to do is kill every bit of vegetation in New York. The flowers won’t be hard. But the trees? Hmmmm. Well, if you see a guy on the nightly news arrested for running around New York with a chain saw, you can tell all your friends you know me.