So I’m sitting there enjoying the new Star Trek movie the other night when I notice something is just, I don’t know, wrong. As a guy, there’s a quick fix for this feeling: I just need to readjust my package, so to speak. So I deploy the left hand to shift my junk over just a fraction of an inch and my index finger finds not the roughness of denim, but the touch, the feel of cotton.
Continue reading “The Fail Files: Lucky Brand Jeans”
Author: kenwheaton
Citi Field’s First Streaker
Video for the baseball fans.
The Jerk Store Called…
Ken Wheaton, Reporting for Duty
While I’m on the subject of barbecue (see below), I received by official Kansas City Barbecue Society Certified Barbecue Judge name tag today. I also received my “diploma” and my first copy of the Kansas City Bullsheet.
Sweet!
RUB BBQ Chafes A Little
After revisiting RUB last week, I’ve reconsidered my ranking of New York barbecue joints. A couple weeks ago, I wrote about Wildwood Barbecue, saying I’d place Wildwood in a three-way tie with Dinosaur and Blue Smoke, all three of them below RUB at No. 2 and Hill Country at a far superior No. 1. That’s going to have to change.
Continue reading “RUB BBQ Chafes A Little”
Dear Word Press
Why the hell can’t I embed videos using your blog tool — like I can with pretty much every other damn web publishing tool in the world? HUH!?! Really? I can’t just copy and paste? Why is that? Thanks for nothing. Oh, well. Everyone, follow the link to the Dick in a Box sequel, just in time for Mother’s Day (okay, it’s a day late): Mother Lover
Whoa. An Interview With Dr. Z
Every New Yorker who’s taken the subway has seen Dr. Zizmor’s weird ads. Gothamist has an interview with the guy. Cool.
A Win for the Big-Boobed Community
Breaking news from the Associated Press: “Britain’s largest clothing retailer, Marks & Spencer, has backed down on its incendiary policy of charging a 2 pound ($3) surcharge for bras that are DD or larger in the face of a spreading consumer revolt.”
It’s about time, Marks & Spencer. It’s about time. Haven’t these women been through enough, what with the aching backs and the ogling men. You have to go and pretend it costs you an extra three bucks per bra to make ’em bigger? I, for one, would have been outraged if I’d heard about this prior to five minutes ago.
McCain Talks ‘Abstience’ in OK ‘Magazine’
Nothing will convince voters that you’re serious about politics like being interviewed by a tabloid rag. Especially one that can’t spell. (Note the spelling of abstinence.) Or one that didn’t really interview McCain. It simply took quotes from her Daily Beast column. So, really, no bad on her part (for once!) The Republicans who are already annoyed with McCain’s antics are going to — well, they’re going to be really annoyed now. And no one else will care.
New York Is So Liberal …
How liberal is it? So yesterday, a cow escaped from a slaughterhouse in Queens and started wandering around, scaring the citizenry who undoubtedly thought it was a raging tiger or three-toed sloth escaped from the zoo.
Let’s skip over the fact that there are slaughterhouses in Queens that handle cows. Let’s not ask ourselves where the live cow came from and how it got there. I never thought to ask about the goats and sheep slaughtered in Queens and Brooklyn so it would seem a bit discriminatory if I start raising questions because it was a cow.
No, let’s focus on this: After catching the cow, authorities will send it to an animal care center rather than* back to the slaughterhouse. What? The cow was at a slaughterhouse. It was there specifically to be turned into burgers. So it makes a break for it and is rewarded with a complete pardon. Do you know what kind of message it is we’re sending to the rest of the cows? Why don’t we just let them all free. And next we’ll do it with the people prisons as well.
*Dear Reuters? See what I did there? I used “than” rather than “then,” unlike you. You running an illiterate blog or a professional news outlet?
KEN WHEATON 