Cancer Vanquished

Well, that’s done with. I’ll say this much: There are things that the mind isn’t meant to protest. One is the sight of one flimsy layer of skin separating your nose cartilage from the air. Yeesh. Didn’t need to see that. I’d seen a photo, but the photo made it look like a scrape. The reflection in the mirror looked like–well probably what we imaging Michael Jackson’s nose to look like.

But the plastics people at MSKCC — which all seem to have gone to the HOT DOCTORS MEDICAL SCHOOL — stitched it all up without even using a skin graft. So no dick- nose jokes for the rest of you. Ha.

My Day at Memorial Sloan Kettering

It’s 8:37 a.m. and I’m sitting in an out-of-the way waiting room in Dermatology (in the 53rd Street outpatient center). I arrived at 8 a.m. for an 8:15 appointment and I’ve already had the first layer of skin taken off my nose as part of the Mohs procedure necessary to get the basal carcinoma off my schnoz. Now I wait while they see how much cancer is in the layer they took off. If it’s still there, they go again. It took all of fifteen minutes, 10 of which was waiting for the local anesthesia to kick in.
Continue reading “My Day at Memorial Sloan Kettering”

New York State Stuck on Stupid

Apparently Gov. Dave Paterson isn’t the only blind one running things up in Albany. According to Bloomberg, the New York Lottery is proposing to move its $1.3 billion prize fund into investments such as stocks, corporate bonds, real estate and hedge funds and out of the safety of U.S. Treasuries.

Wait, it gets even better. “New York would be the first state lottery among the 20 largest to shift to pension fund-style investments.” You know, because that’s working out oh so well as underfunded and overgenerous pensions across the country teeter on the brink, threatening to make things even worse for those of us who, unlike government employees, actually work for a living and suffer immediately for foolish financial transactions. (Do a search on Instapundit for pensions and you’ll get a raft of bad news.)

But I guess I shouldn’t expect more from New York State, which is probably only second to California in its inability or unwillingness to comprehend fiscal reality and where at the government is doing its damnedest to set up a plantation system in which it and its employees are the master’s family and the private sector is just the help. Of course, we also know how well California is doing as the state goes broke, businesses continue to flee the high taxes and ludicrous legislation imposed by the masters and the state gets set to release 58,000 prisoners onto the streets.

I have an even better idea. Why not go all in and put the MTA in charge of the lottery funds?

Better yet, considering the state of the stock market recently, why not just reinvest all the New York State Lottery in MegaMillions and Powerball tickets?

Update Welcome Instapundit readers. You know the drill. Look around, etc. Follow me on Twitter as well! @kenwheaton

A Seal With Fish Phobia?

Here’s your WTF moment for today (well, aside from potential passage of that stimulus stinker): Seal with phobia of fish astonishes staff at sanctuary.

As always, there’s a theory for the seal’s behavior. The five-week-old pup was rescued after she was separated from her mother, causing one worker at the sanctuary to speculate: “It is probably because it’s quite stressful and confusing coming to the sanctuary and she was pining for her mummy. … And herring really smells.”

How About an Obama v. Coburn Debate?

If Barack Obama wants to sell this stimulus package to an unwilling consumer, how about he make his point on TV via debate? Prime time. On all major networks.

Sure, he’s going to go on TV anyway and have a one-sided talk with at the American people, trying to scare the hell out of them, convince them that the money currently in their wallets will literally go up in flames if Congress doesn’t act now and pass a trillion-dollar wealth shift that violates at least two of his so-called campaign promises — no earmarks, no bills being passed without Americans having five days to view the thing. (Let’s also overlook the tax cheats appointed to cabinet positions, the lobbyists now scurrying around the White House and the complete inability to vet people.)

What we should have is Obama debate either a rabid House Republican — one of those guys who tried to stop the excrement-filled TARP bill from passing — or Sentator Tom Coburn from Oklahoma. That guy’s about as anti-pork as you can get. (McCain’s had his chance to not prove any of his points for the last two years, so let him rest.) The Democrats are whining that they’ve allowed the Republicans to “define” the argument. Well, this would be a chance to make the case to the American people without sounding like you’re whining about evil Republican tactics or, worse, sounding like you ARE taking one great leap forward to half-assed Socialism. We’ll overlook how much whining you do — even when you have the majority. (And while we’re overlooking things, we’ll also overlook the fact that George W. Bush’s ridiculous spending habits and the passage of TARP and auto bailouts–helped along by some Congressional Republicans–set the whole ball rolling.)

At any rate, Obama needs to convince people that this recession isn’t going to be over by the time the money in this bill–which does indeed look like 40 years of back-logged liberal pet programs–starts rolling out into the economy. Is that too much to ask when insisting that we give you a trillion dollars of our money. Hell, I’d like you to convince me that you realize that the trillion dollars actually comes from us and not from some magical government piggy bank that is replenished by fairies.

And if it is too unseemly for a President to debate a Senator or Representative, I get that. There is protocol. There is tradition. In that case, put Harry Reid or Nancy Pelosi on the podium. In prime time on the three major broadcast networks (then again, this would be a killer ratings coup for CNN, FoxNews or MSNBC). Of course, that wouldn’t even be close to a fair fight.

UpdateWelcome Instapundit readers. Look around. Follow on twitter at @kenwheaton. And if you remember my name come January 2010, by my first novel, “First Annual Grand Prairie Rabbit Festival” from Kensington Books.

Why I Skip Starbucks in the Morning

I’m not a Starbucks hater. But I don’t frequent the place for my weekday morning cup of coffee. Why? Price for one. I’m only getting regular coffee. And Starbucks doesn’t taste that any better than the cup I’m getting from the street vendor — Sammy on 44th Street and Third. So I can go to Starbucks, wait in line for five minutes while the latte-swillers confuse the baristas with over-complicated orders. Then pay close too two bucks for a cup of coffee and then put the milk and sugar in myself.

Or I can go to Sammy, say hello and have him recognize me and prepare my coffee for me just the way I like it for the low-low price of 1.25. Not only that, he’ll point out the hot women walking by while jamming to some kicking Egyptian beats. And, on days like today, when he’s feeling good, he’ll give me a free damn donut. A FREE DONUT!

Starbucks is a great place for a third place. When I need to sit and write and drink some coffee, there are few places better. But Starbucks will not give you a free donut.

My Money’s on Etta James

Etta James will kick Beyonce’s ass! At a concert in Seattle, James said: “I tell you that woman he had singing for him, singing my song, she gonna get her ass whupped.” Sweet, sweet cat fight. James also had this to say about Dear Leader: “You know your President, right? You know the one with the big ears?” she asked the audience. “He ain’t my President.”

Me? I have little use for Beyonce. Her voice is usually fair to middling (and certainly the weakest of the members of Destiny’s Child) and when she dances, it looks like she’s being tazed. Ironically, the only decent acting she’s done is as Etta James in Cadillac Records.

Of course, Etta will probably be apologizing for “the misunderstanding” by the end of the week. I hope not, but such is the media cycle.

New York Times Hops on 25 Random Things Bandwagon

I told you 25 Random Things was lame, loser-ville and so 1999 (remember that chain email?). Now I have proof. If the Times is writing about it in its Fashion section, that means it’s about as cool as Australian rock-band Jet. The Times devoted over 1,200 words to this. All the news that fits, indeed.

One Random Fact about Ken: I’m a total hater.
One Random Fact about The New York Times: I hate it for ruining its real estate section.

10 Things I Wish You’d Stop Doing on the Subway

1. Clipping your fingernails (especially if your cuticles are bleeding).
2. Laughing hysterically with your friends. The joke wasn’t funny, your laugh is annoying and the girls across the aisle aren’t paying attention to you.
3. Sighing because I won’t give up my seat. You’re not pregnant, crippled, old or hot. It ain’t gonna happen. Hell, I’m married, so even if you are hot, you can remain standing. And sighing.
4. Performing magic tricks involving live birds.
5. Asking for change on behalf of the United Homeless Organization. (And those nasty-ass ‘sangwiches’ don’t help your case when you’re shouting in my ear.)
6. Reading over my shoulder. Get your own damn book.
7. Clipping your toenails.
8. Peeling that orange and dropping the peels on the floor.
9. Singing along with the Mariah Carey song playing on your iPod. You may be wearing heels, but your adam’s apple is giving you away.
10. Shitting yourself — and the seat.

UPDATE: On the ride home, woman sitting next to me is shelling peanuts! To be fair, she was putting the shells in the bag, not on the floor. … Also, ad your own in comments!