A Few Thoughts on The Circle

You know how every once in a while, someone in Hollywood gets a “deep thought” and then builds a movie around it — one in which the characters all stand for something, the dialogue is a constant stream of polemic and there’s no mystery at all as to how things are going to turn out. That’s what David Eggers’ “The Circle” feels like. It’s about as subtle as a kick in the groin.

Put another way, “The Circle” is the literary equivalent of  “Crash.”

Here’s the thing: I’m not ashamed to say that I was a huge fan of “A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius.” And I’m on Eggers’ side in the debate he’s trying to set up. For those who don’t know, “The Circle” is the story of a young woman who goes to work at The Circle, a company that is obviously a mixture of Google and Facebook, where all seems perfect as the young technocrats try to bring utopia to the world, whether it be through child safety, online payments or participatory democracy. But is this vision wise? Is this safe?

Of course not. Get off my damn lawn, you silicon valley (and alley) nitwits! Those who’d impose technological utopia are dangerous!

And that ground has been covered repeatedly in nonfiction and fiction alike.

But as long as the character is convincing and the story is good, who cares? I’m not going to claim to be any champion of subtlety. I went after Mike Bloomberg’s foolish food laws with a hammer. But I’d like to think it was a funny hammer — or hammers. And they worked fast.

Sadly, Mae, the main character isn’t one I felt much of anything for other than frustration. I’m a big fan of unlikeable characters. I’m not a big fan of characters who seem to just coast along toward evil with no clear motivation other than a vague insecurity or two and a need to be liked. Now that might actually be how the real world works, but ultimately I felt like Mae was, at best, a bit of a needy dimwit and, at worst … well, a bit of an oblivious, needy dimwit.

Some could claim that I didn’t feel much for Mae because she’s a woman and a Millennial. Which is horseshit. I love me an interesting female protagonist, whether it be written by Kaye Gibbons or Marian Keyes. And as much grief as I give Millennials, I don’t actually believe their generation is that much different than any other generation — and I do believe that there are at least a few of them with some critical thinking abilities.

The story, too, is a problem. While it’s mildly interesting to watch the progress of the Circle, at no point is there much — if any — tension. There are a lot of speeches, though. Quite a lot. And the one thing that’s supposed to be a mystery — I’m assuming the mysterious stranger is indeed supposed to be mysterious — was so obvious that Scooby Doo could have figured it out without the help of the rest of the gang. (Yes, I had a fairly obvious twist at the end of my last one, but that wasn’t set up as a key mystery running throughout the book — and Scooby would at least have had to call on Shaggy for help on that one.)

Hell, I don’t know. Maybe the kids growing up on the OTHER side of the digital dividing line — the ones who’ve always known a world in which everything can be shared in a cloud — will need to read a book like this to understand how stupid and dangerous some of the techno-utopian preachers can be. And that privacy is a good thing. And you don’t need to share every damn thing in your life (says the guy who posts 100 poodle pictures a day). I certainly think everyone should be aware of that.

But I was just hoping it could be packaged in a more entertaining story.

The Great Brisket Experiment: 2013

If there’s one thing I like almost as much as stuffing my face full of smoked brisket, it’s barbecuing it myself.

SpiritAnimalBrisket

Okay, that is a lie. Barbecuing brisket — and pork shoulder for that matter — is one of those things I really, really look forward to doing. And I maintain the kid-on-Christmas-morning glee until one of the following

  • The shopping trip turns into a shit-show of an obstacle course
  • The weather decides not to cooperate
  • Five hours into the proceeding and I’m just trying to stay awake
  • When the food is served and everybody’s all, “THIS IS AWESOME” and I’m thinking “This is shit. It’s crap. It doesn’t taste like Black’s or Franklin’s or Hill Country or Brisketlab. AND OH MY GOD, DID YOU JUST PUT SAUCE ON THAT?!?!”

But this last barbecue? It was going to be different. Because I’d learned something while in Texas with Nick on our Fabulous Brisket Tour. And it was game-changing.

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An Open Letter to People Who Write Open Letters

Dear You,

No one asked for your opinion, so please put a cork in it. And even though I might find myself in agreement with some of what you have written, I have to wonder why you (or your assistant) just couldn’t find an email address — or, god forbid, a snail mail address — and send an actual letter to the person you’ve decided to lecture in public. Why, if I were a cynical sort, I’d suspect this was some sort of publicity play, some need to get a little bit of the old spotlight on yourself. But I’d hate to cast aspersions.

Of course, you could argue that maybe your intended target of shame wouldn’t see or respond to personal communication. Do you think they’re going to respond to your public grandstanding? They might! But not in any sort of positive or constructive way.

But what I’d really like to get across is this: Shut up.

Regards,

The rest of us

Freaks of Nature

Note: So that news story about the feral pig getting drunk and fighting a cow? Anyway, I wrote this way back in 1997 or 1998, based on a post-card writing assignment given to me by Luis Alberto Urrea.

Me and Bobby had our annual meeting last night up by the south bank of the lake. It was a good night for a meeting. Oh, me and Bobby meet every night, just to shoot the shit and what not. But last night was the Official Meeting.

FishPostcard

We both belong to the International Society of Freaks of Nature — ISOFON for short. And the local chapters meet at least once a year. We’re the only two freaks in the area and we’ve never met any of the other guys, but it’s nice to feel like part of something. I think that’s very important, to be part of something. I remember this scraggly yellow dog tried to join up once. Called himself O’Brien and the only thing freakish about him was his extraordinary use of foul language and his obsession with sex (from what I hear he couldn’t get it up). Well, me and Bobby decided not to let him join. Found out recently that he got shot while on the prowl. Kinda feel guilty about that. Wonder if it would have happened if we’da let him join.
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About That Michael Bloomberg Legacy

smokeWhat with all the Michael Bloomberg retrospectives going on, I feel like I haven’t been invited to the party. And I wrote an entire novel based on his legacy! Well, the food legacy at any rate. And who doesn’t want to talk about food and politics (and sex and crime)? Hell, even Fran Lebowitz jumps on the soda thing in her Times interview.

Anyway, since I never talk about myself or my writing here, I figured I’d give another free taste of Bacon and Egg Man. (Okay, fine, every other post I’m talking about my writing, but since I’m averaging about one post every two months these days …).

This is Chapter 18. Setup? You don’t need no stinking setup. Interestingly, Bloomberg isn’t even mentioned below. But his shadow, it is long. Bacon and Egg Man can be purchased in print or e-book here, here and elsewhere.
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The Royal Baby Is Here!

Are you a U.S. citizen? Does the phrase “Royal Baby” send shivers of excitement down our spine? What is wrong with you?

Proposal:

All Americans who show excessive interest in the birth of a royal baby shall be tarred, feathered and marched to the town commons and placed in the stocks. There they will be pelted with apple pie and hot-dogs while a down-on-her-luck pop diva mangles the Star Spangled Banner for three hours straight.

Fight Cancer and Dress Your Nekkid Dog

I'm so embarrassed.

Is your dog naked? Running around the house with all its naughty bits on display like some heathen? Well, we can change that.

Would you like your dog to look smart in a tuxedo, sexy in a swanky dress or spirited in your favorite team’s colors? Then you’re in luck.

As part of my fundraising efforts for Team in Training, I’m raffling off two (2) customized dog outfits from Syludu. You can get a sampling of the goods here. Of course, if you’re the lucky winner, you can simply pick one of those dresses. But you can also pick your own color combinations or themes — like a lime-green tuxedo, perhaps a TNT-purple dress or even a jersey or dress with your favorite football team (yes, even if you are the misguided sort who roots for the Alabama Crimson Tide of the Dallas Cowboys).

Want to enter? Go here!

The Barrage of Brisket Tour: 2013

When I told folks that my son Nick and I were going to Texas to eat barbecue and nothing but barbecue, they thought I was joking. Some of them even went so far as to offer suggestions for non-barbecue food–like seafood and duck enchiladas (whatever those might be).

SpiritAnimalBrisket

I was not joking. In fact, between pulling into Lockhart on a Tuesday afternoon and leaving on Friday, we ate nothing but brisket and ribs, half a sausage, one piece of barbecue turkey and candy. Thursday at 1 p.m, we had tacos. Thursday evening, we went back to barbecue. We weren’t there to goof around.

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