Stoned wallabies. Seriously.
SYDNEY, Australia – Wallabies snacking in Tasmania’s legally grown opium poppy fields are getting “high as a kite” and hopping around in circles, trampling the crops, a state official said.
Author: kenwheaton
Seven Inches of Singaporean Beef
THE BUSINESS OF CLOWNING . . .
and MARKETING YOUR CLOWN:
These on line courses are pre-requisites for graduation and are conducted outside of the regular class time. Students are expected to complete both courses by March 31 of the year. Under the direction of the Headmaster, Robert F. Kreidler and staff, students will learn how to set-up their clown business, determine a fee structure, how to secure bookings, the optimal ways to advertize, discuss proven methods for selling and other issues essential for creating and running a profitable clown business.
First Reading for My First Novel Scheduled
So this afternoon I received an e-mail from my editor at Kensington Books asking me to confirm whether or not I’d be able to do a reading from “The First Annual Grand Prairie Rabbit Festival” at the Southern Independent Booksellers Alliance show in Greenville, S.C., in September.
Um, let me think abou… Hell, yeah! I get to do a reading at a major Southern trade show three months before the book comes out? Most excellent.
Of course, once I agreed, the thought of public speaking got me nervous for something that’s not happening for months. Thankfully, this reading will be in the evening and I’ll presumably be able to knock back two drinks to steady the nerves.
I was in Greenville earlier this year for a conference that involved lots of brilliant people, lots of fancy food and racing BMWs at the BMW Performance Center. The one drawback to that trip was there was no time for barbecue. Not this time around!
Barbecue, booze and book-reading … from my own novel, no less … well, slap my ass and call me fanny. I don’t know if it gets much better than that.
George W. Bush on Iran Protests
George W. Bush talking about unrest in Iran in 2003:
I believe that some day freedom will prevail everywhere, because freedom is a powerful drive for people to… and it’s the beginnings of people expressing themselves toward a free Iran, which I think is positive.
Barack Obama on the current protests:
**crickets**
Well, that’s not exactly the case, but it’s close.
One of the things Obama has said is that whatever happens, there isn’t a hell of a lot of difference between Moussavi and Ahmadinejad. “Either way,” Mr. Obama said, the United States is “going to be dealing with an Iranian regime that has historically been hostile to the United States, that has caused some problems in the neighborhood and is pursuing nuclear weapons.”
Guess what? Obama’s right about that. Conservatives rant and rail about that all the time saying things like, “There’s no such thing as a ‘moderate’ in that part of the world.” (Of course that doesn’t stop them from hammering Obama for making the exact same point.)
But that doesn’t mean Obama gets to sit on the sidelines in silence and not voice support for a pro-democracy uprising in a theocratic state that considers the U.S. the Great Satan. And it certainly doesn’t mean he should be referring to violent oppression as “debate” and actually calling the true leaders of Iran, the “Supreme Leader.”
That stated reason for the silence is that he’s keeping his eye on the nuclear talks with the true powers in Iran. As much as I admire a bit of real politik, the truly delusional thing here is believing those talks are ever going to amount to anything other than a lake of glass somewhere in the Middle East — whether it be Israel, Iraq or Saudi Arabia.
We don’t have to bomb Iran. We don’t have to be bellicose. A statement of support from the United States would show that our government actually cares about the PEOPLE of Iran. God knows that Americans of all stripes–via Twitter and other media–are making that clear.
The thing is that if enough people keep bitching at him about it–even Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden are reported to be pushing him to take an actual stance–he probably will change his mind.
As someone said yesterday, “He’s trying to vote ‘present,’ but he can’t.”
He’s the president now, not a junior senator from Illinois. He should act like it.
Jail Time for Rude Subway Riders?
Give up your seat. Or else. According to CBS, “a new campaign reminds subway and bus riders to give up reserved seats to the elderly or disabled. Those who refuse could be fined $25 to $50 — or even face up to 10 days in jail.”
Well, isn’t that fine and dandy. I’m all for this, of course, but I do have some concerns. Who’s defining elderly here? And what if I can’t tell the difference between a pregnant woman and one who’s been pounding a few too many beers recently?
But my bigger complaint is that this doesn’t go nearly far enough. What about the assholes who take up two seats, either by spreading their legs wide or just throwing all their crap in the spot next to them? What about sunflower-seed eaters and finger-nail spitters? What about the salami slingers and diaper changers?
Mets or Yankees? For Whom Shall I Cheer
So I’m taking my kid and my mom and my wife to the Yankees vs. Mets game at Yankee Stadium. I’m sure I’ll be called a gutless commie by both sides, but I don’t know who to pull for.
The background is I grew up in Louisiana, without baseball. (Hell, considering the default status of the Saints, you could say I grew up without football, too.) Famous Cajun Ron Guidry, of course, played for the Yankees. My first baseball game was an Astros vs. Mets matchup in the Astrodome, where I pulled for the Mets. When I moved to New York, I moved in with a Yankee fan. I’ve been to numerous games at the old Yankee Stadium and never set foot in Shea. Hell, I’ve been to Camden Yards and last fall found me in Philadelphia for a Phillies win that turned out to be the first in their amazing run to the Series.
Also, I’m a fair-weather baseball fan in the best of circumstances — and neither the Mets nor the Yankees are providing the best of circumstances. (One final note: I own a Yankees cap. I have no Mets gear.)
So who’s it gonna be?
Time for Tourism
My son Nicholas turned 11 today. I don’t discuss him much here because when I blog I try to blog with either humor or anger and, well, either is likely to embarrass a child–if not now, then later.
He lives down in Louisiana with his mom. Most of the visiting involves me going down there. He came up to New York last summer for my wedding. He enjoyed it but I didn’t get to spend much time with him because, duh, I was getting married.
So tomorrow he arrives in New York with my mom. I can’t fricking wait. I love playing tour guide in New York. Sure, usually, it involves adults and a tour of places to get drunk, but this is going to be about six hundred times cooler.
On the agenda: Yankees-Mets game; Metropolitan Museum of Art (he saw Natural History last year); dim sum (which should be interesting considering the picky nature of 11 year olds); Phantom of the Opera; Nintendo Store*; Intrepid Museum; the Bodies exhibit*; and Coney Island (including Shoot the Freak and the aquarium).
How sweet is that gonna be? Pretty damn sweet, that’s how sweet.
*Today on the phone, I told him the Nintendo Store burned down, which he did not find funny.
**Given the choice between Statue of Liberty and Bodies exhibit, it took him approximately zero seconds to decide on Bodies, followed up with the following question: “Do they have chainsaws at the exhibit?”
Where Were the Professional Journalists?
“The thick-muscled man with close-cropped hair who called himself Rick Duncan seemed right out of central casting as a prop for a Democratic candidate running against Bush administration policies last fall.” So begins a story in The New York Times about Richard Strandlof, who pretty much chumped everyone. Everyone who wanted to believe that is.
But note this paragraph from the Times:
The tale of how Mr. Strandlof managed to fool so many people for so long says much about the power of veterans in Colorado, a swing state with numerous military bases. Politicians who now shun him were eager to have him by their side a year ago, no questions asked. Antiwar groups like VoteVets.org embraced him as a valued spokesman. And real veterans buried doubts about him out of respect, they said, for his alleged service and injuries.
Notice what’s missing from that paragraph of blame. Journalists, we are told — professional journalists — can’t be replaced by blogs and citizens because, well, this is just what you get. No one asks the tough questions to get at the truth. Of course, in this case, journalists didn’t ask the tough questions to get at the truth.
It wasn’t like there weren’t any red flags or anything. “There were also things that made Mr. Strandlof seem not credible. He never mentioned what unit he served with. He claimed to have lost a finger, but had 10 digits.”
Ultimately, it wasn’t journalists who blew the story open. It was the Colorado Veterans Alliance, one of many veterans’ groups who do the work of investigating guys who come out of the woodwork making suspicious claims.
Perhaps professional journalists were too afraid to question a Marine. God only knows the field day certain elements would have had with this at the start. How dare you questions this hero? Perhaps they liked the story too much — a gay, anti-war vet sticking it to the man — to check.
There were probably a hundred little reasons, some of them valid, that no journalist checked into this guy’s background. But these are the sorts of stories to keep in mind when journalists — and, yes, I am one — go on about how they’re professionally trained seekers of truth and that such a lofty task should not be left to unqualified bloggers.
For Your Summer Reading Consideration
Remember the days when you could just sit down and read an entire novel in one sitting? You found a book that just drew you in and excited you, perhaps delighted you, made you laugh or just scared the living crap out of you. And you either had the time — or, as you’ve grown older — made the time. Maybe you blew off work or social obligations. Maybe you just said, “Fuck it. I’m not sleeping tonight.”
I’ve done that twice recently, first with Matthew Quick’s The Silver Linings Playbook: A Novel
KEN WHEATON 